The State of the Union Address: The Version You Didn't Hear
  by The Angry Liberal

... Introduction: Ladies and Gentlemen: I can't believe I'm introducing this loser as the President of the United States!

Opening: My fellow Americans, the state of the union is strong. Not as strong as it was after the World Trade Center was attacked and I had to say it was stronger than ever, or as strong as it was in the nineties when most Americans had jobs, or in the eighties when Reagan was president and I was a drunk. But it is definitely stronger than it was during, say, that couple of hours in 1981 when Reagan was shot and Al Haig took over as president. Heck, he didn't have to get the Supreme Court involved! He just took over! What a guy!

Okay, here's the usual collection of distortions, mindless platitudes, and pie-in-the-sky proposals:

Job training: We need to prepare our unemployed for the jobs of the future. Therefore, I propose a series of measures called "Jobs for the 21st Century." After completing their job training, participants of this new program will receive a diploma and an airline ticket to India, where his or her new $3-per-hour job will be waiting. ...

[The Globe and Mail (Canada)]
Bush prefers our pretty boy to his pretty boy
January 16, 2004
  By Jane Taber

OTTAWA -- This is the tale of the two Scotts -- one American, the other Canadian. One is dark-haired, the other blond. Both are 35 and both work for the most powerful men in their respective countries.

Scott McClellan is the press secretary to U.S. President George W. Bush; Scott Reid is the senior strategist to Prime Minister Paul Martin.

But, according to Mr. Bush, Mr. Martin has the prettier Scott. ...