Celebrity Think

Celebrities are our Lords. We gaze up at them, dream of being them, and would do most anything for a spec of their opulence. It is then, no surprise that we look upon their opinions in any matter, no matter how far from their own experience or expertise, as having great weight and importance. We believe they live healthier lives, care more deeply for children, the poor and cute animals, drink harder, fuck longer, and take in more of life than we every could. Would Tanya Harding or Paris Hilton “sex tapes” be newsworthy if not for the celebrity of the two homely women? The masses ate these up not because of the concupiscence of the leading ladies, but because they want to see how the the other half does it. Had Harding never payed a man to attack Nancy Kerrigan, her nude image would have created a different reaction.

Unfortunately, the title of celebrity can be rewarded to individuals for almost no cost. Fighting for the king, contributing taxes, managing an estate, and all the other lordly requirements that granted at least a modicum of respect to the title in feudal times have no equivalents in modern nobility. Moreover, there is no upkeep required for a celebrity to retain their rank, save for the occasional “scandal” returning their name to the prattlers lips at the coffee machine.

Still, we take a celebrity's view on food, relationships, and religion with great reverence. If its good enough for someone with endless wealth and great fame or infamy, (are these not becoming the same?) certainly whatever they choose is good enough for us plebeians to consider seriously.

The same goes for celebrities political opinions. Every campaign season reporters offer up stories on celebrity endorsements and other proclamations. The act du jour for celebs is the deceleration “If (fill in Republican candidate) wins this election, I am moving to France!”. Barbra Streisand, Lynn Redgrave, Cher, Robert Altman, Eddie Vedder, and Alec Baldwin are some of those that recited this refrain in 2000 . Few though, live up to the promise.

Beyond promises of leaving us for that mecca of freedom where little Muslim girls are barred from school should they don a traditional head scarf, our modern Lords voice multifold opinions that should have us questioning why we listen at all. On ABC recently, Esther, formerly known by the equally absurd moniker of the virgin Mary, Madonna, stated "I don't want to equate George Bush with Saddam Hussein. But I believe that George Bush and Saddam Hussein are both behaving in an irresponsible manner. So, in that respect, they're alike.” She compared the two visually in a video she choose not to release last year for the song “American Life”. In it, Saddam and Bush lookalikes appear at the end, kissing. She endorsed Gen. Wesley Clark in the primary, you'll recall.

In this presidential campaign we will no doubt be offered the wisdom of celeb wonks from Moby to Ted Turner. While a minority of the famous can are engaged politicos, (see Janeane Garofalo, and Arnold) the majority are not. Because they are so fawned over and never corrected by those around them the self consciousness that drives ones desire to investigate, read, and think about issues before fomenting an opinion and sharing it, is nonexistent. Luckily, the rest of us are not so blessed by beguiling mass worship.