Updated: 6/25/09; 11:47:48 PM.
'if' ...
What you alter in the remembering has yet a reality, known or not. - Cormac McCarthy


Tuesday, April 3, 2007
> dream death

she dreamed

... returning to my homeland for a visit found myself in a strange neighbourhood ... third sister had recently moved to a new area ... she had called giving directions and requested my immediate arrival ... despite repeated calls and detailed instructions the house could not be found ...

... each call added more and more urgency till finally I demanded if I was so close then why wouldn't she simply come out to get me ... further angering me with her hesitancy she continued to talk ... the background noise made listening impossible ... she was occupied with something else while talking and couldn't be understood ...

... angered I pleaded for her to come get me ... she hung up and moments later was standing at a gate motioning me to come ... looking directly & sternly into my eyes through clenched teeth ... "I was trying to tell you - Mother is Dead!" ... peppering her with questions dazed and in shock followed her inside ... "What? Are you sure? I just talked to her last month. She was fine" ...

... no one knew much ... the whole family lived apart from mother who lived in a small village some distance away ... the phone kept ringing ... sister answered calmly if not somewhat emotionless ... it was elder sister inquiring about the last gift mother had sent ... "Yes the sesame seeds were organic" I overheard sister's reply ... "They should be safe to eat." ...

... they were talking about sesame seeds and mother was dead ... this was unbelievable ... were they all heartless ... turning quietly sister spoke ... "My daughter is also dead" ... gasping ... No! No! No! How can it be? ... "She has not returned home from school for two days now" ... raging out of the house ... tears streaming down my face ... shrieking out her name I ran through the neighbourhood ...

... a man in black followed ... he was selling insurance ... "See death can come at any moment - do you have life insurance?" ... "Leave me alone!" ... desperately questioning all in the street one man described "Yes he had seen the child walking home from school." ... had offered some candy ... the child replied her mother warned never talk to strangers and especially never accept gifts ... she ran off ... "You bastard! Because of you she is lost! You made her panic! You made her lose her way!" ...

... meeting others they assured they had seen the child running along the streets ... this was not the way home she must be alive and lost ... I tore through the streets searching every dark and deserted corner ... rummaging through every garbage bin ... hair matted from sweat ... face filthy from tears and dirt ... screaming her name attacking all passers by desperately seeking any information ...

... my only solace was "Yes most had seen her running" ... darkness fell ... with huge resignation decided to return home ... where was it ... though now recognizing the familiar roofs of the neighbourhood approached each gate with certainty that this was home ... found myself lost ... lost ... lost ...

she awoke.

- See: Dreams

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