Tuesday, April 9, 2002

The truth has been revealed. Roger Ebert is clearly a contributor to Mr. Cranky's Movie Reviews. Consider the review by Mr. Ebert of National Lampoon's Mr. Wilder: Watching "National Lampoon's Van Wilder," I grew nostalgic for the lost innocence of a movie like "American Pie," in which human semen found itself in a pie. In "NatLampVW," dog semen is baked in a pastry. Is it only a matter of time until the heroes of teenage grossout comedies are injecting turtle semen directly through their stomach walls? For a moment, I honestly thought I was reading a Mr. Cranky review. A hearty 'Thank You' to Roger Ebert for his recent pull-no-punches reviews of various movies. If I had only read it first, I could have saved $8.50 and some serious psychological scars by avoiding Death to Smoochy. 11:41:00 AM