Someone left me a 1700+ word review (and it was a real review) of my Kim Possible story over at fanfiction.net. That's longer than one of the chapters in that story.
The gist of the review? Things they felt lacking. A lot of good points, though my story would have been at least twice as long if I addressed everything they brought up.
To summarize what they felt was wrong --->
- KP and Ron have broken up before the story started but I don't go into details and the reviewer felt both Ron and Kim were too unemotional about the whole thing. Even Wade was too unemotional.
Hmm. Ron is definitely unemotional about it but he's just barely in the story so there isn't a whole lot of time to develop his character. Kim is busy with dealing with other things after the whole slayer becoming. But I see the point even if that isn't the focus of this story since it occurs after the break-up after Ron at least has dealt with it (We see in the story, near the end that Kim hasn't really dealt with it), though I won't be addressing it any time soon.
- Bonnie isn't snarky/mean enough
Something I've commented on elsewhere. I don't think she HAS to be so mean. It was an act. We'll see more of Bonnie if I ever manage to write the next part of this story (in the Go City setting). I'm not sure where I'll go with Bonnie in this... if at all.
- Shego was unbelievable in the opening scene.
It was intentional. She was supposed to be acting strange, out of character. Kim even noticed. Some day I might have her explain what was going on. She certainly didn't tell Kim when she asked at the end of the story.
- Ron getting caught in Drakken's escape balloon was unrealistic.
Okay. Maybe I should have used something else besides a balloon or expanded on it BUT the first part wouldn't have worked if he was there. (I'd originally planned on a role for Rufus in the opening scene but it didn't work out.
- I didn't pay enough attention to the whole Mystical Monkey Power that Ron has. And trivialized the whole thing. Or magic in general.
Guilty - sort of. That's more part of the lack of Ron-ness in the story than anything else. I also don't want to have to do the magic-two-step by mixing Buffy-verse magic with KP magic. (I didn't realize that Ron's mystical power has a color? I used yellow for the whole monkey thing)) Ron isn't going to become a Willow caliber magic user. It isn't appropriate for my story. But his mystical powers might come up in future stories. It really depends on what is appropriate to the story.
- Why is Ron going out with Yori at the end of the story even though Ron barely looks at her at the beginning of the story?
Okay. Maybe more details/attention here would help. In a future story (It's already planned - I have an idea for a Ron/Yori centric story set during much of the time of this story. Not sure when / if I'll ever write it. I have a vague outline of it laid out but I haven' started working on it yet.
Like all good reviews... it had me thinking about how to improve my story (It's also the only review from a self professed Kim/Ron shipper -- a lot of the comments are really about the perceived unbalanced nature of some elements of the fic (ie. Lack of equal fic time for Ron)). So... I'll probably address some of this in a revision of this story before delving in any Ron-centric stories. Though I don't know when that'll happen. Too many other fics to work on.
7:27:37 PM 
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