November 18, 2004

World Exclusive:  Found in a dumpster behind the Whitehouse. This probably should have made it to the shredder, but was accidently thown out with the regular trash.  It seems to be a draft of a letter to French Prime Minister Chirac.  (Thank you Ladyhawk) To: Jacques Chirac From: GW Bush, President US of A Re: Playing nicely with friends and enemies alike Jacques, I can understand and empathize with your need to play nicely with friends and enemies alike. I have to deal with that problem all the time. In my case, it's called Democrats. However, in your case, you've been sucking at the teat of Saddam for way too long. You can't distinguish between good and evil. Of course, having a few extra billion thrown into your national economy via the oil for food scandal helps when your unemployment rate is more than 80% higher than that of the US, you can't take care of your seniors very well, and your vaunted medical care system goes on a Roman holiday every summer leading to dead seniors. I guess that's par for the course when you figure they weren't going to vote for you again. And if you think that the US is going to stop killing terrorists you're mighty mistaken there. Misunderestimating me is your biggest flaw. Well, not your biggest flaw - that was thinking those photos of you canoodling with Yasir before he died would never get seen in the National Enquirer. I'll have to remind my Secret Service that if I ever step foot in the same room with you that you'll need to be checked for fleas and lice considering all the scum and vermin you keep hanging with. Damn, Jacques, you could have been a contender for being the leader of the new Europe, but you've decided to go down the path that so many old Europeans did - blaming the US all while hoping that we wouldn't notice our 60 years of economic commitment to making sure that you Europeans don't go screwing the pooch again and killing another 50+ million people. Well, I noticed, and I think you've got far more to answer for. Oh, and attached to this note is a subpoena from my folks down at Justice. You're officially under investigation for UNSCAM and funding global terrorism. As they say back in Texas, don't that beat all. Hasta la pasta! Dubya  3:23:52 PM

CRTC approves Fox News for Canada CBC News -The conservative-leaning Fox News Channel will soon be coming to Canadian digital television channels. The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) approved an application Thursday to bring the Fox News Channel, one of the highest-rated news channels in the United States, onto Canadian digital airwaves. The CRTC was thrust into the spotlight in July after rejecting Fox News, and giving conditional approval to the digital broadcast of Arab television station al-Jazeera. 1:57:01 PM

Martin dismisses Parrish from Liberal caucus CTV - Prime Minister Paul Martin dismissed renegade Liberal MP Carolyn Parrish from caucus today, after she made a string of controversial anti-American remarks. "I told her that even though I respect her right to express her viewpoint, I cannot, as leader of our party and of our caucus, tolerate her behaviour," Martin told reporters in a short statement outside Parliament this afternoon. "It is unacceptable." David Frum: WHO IS CAROLYN PARRISH? 1:39:08 PM

I actually miss the circus created by the whole "Arafat is NOT dead, he is only sleeping" headlines. Classic Values has created a wonderful Arafat Story Creator, or "Canard-O-Matic". The French governmentEuropean Union in BrusselsAmerican Nazi PartyKhmer Rouge apologist Noam ChomskyPalestinian AuthorityAmerican filmmaker Michael Moore insisted on Wednesday that Yasser Arafat was not infected with AIDS by his muscular bodyguardspoisoned by the Israeli Mossadplanning to return his Nobel Peace Prizedistraught over having been edited out of Team Americaseeking a divorce so he could move in with New Jersey Governor James McGreevey. But meanwhile, the French newspaper Le Mondeconservative WorldNetDailynotorious terrorist web site, al Tawheedliberal blog, Daily Kos quoted doctors as saying Arafat suffered from an "unusual blood disease" and a "liver problem"literally exploded internally while ingesting amyl nitrate mixed with crack cocaineslowly choked to deathsuffered a massive paralyzing strokecommitted suicide after a routine visit to a Kaiser HMOa tumultuous bisexual orgy on the French RivieraKarl Rove spread rumors that Bush had beaten Kerry among Palestinian votersdiscovering his wife had been blackmailed by Hillary Rodham Clintoneating too much Scrapple smuggled into the hospital by Arab Philadelphians. Of course, Arafat is reported to be in stable condition. 1:20:05 PM

President Chirac: "Terrorism around the world has increased because of the war in Iraq." In related news: Nazism around the world was increased by World War 2. Slavery in America increased by Civil War. Cancer cases around the world have increased because of medical treatments. 12:18:13 PM

NATO invites Israel to joint military, anti-terror exercises The North Atlantic Treaty Organization has suggested that the Israel Defense Forces, for the first time, take part in multinational military exercises and participate in anti-terror activities such as patrols in the eastern Mediterranean Sea. NATO is also considering sending forces to the Gaza Strip after Israel implements the disengagement plan, if Israel and the Palestinian Authority reach an agreement on the withdrawal and ask for NATO help. 9:13:56 AM