Catching up with my schoolwork has taken the wind out of the blog this week... but I did manage to update my notes on Web Writing in Journalism Classes -- in preparation for a Thursday night talk to a big auditorium full of intro news writing students.
The students heard from Jim Stovall on the same subject last week, and he also has posted his notes about online writing here and here and here.
(Look
out for that "print" button... Although we both say that people don't
like to read long essays online, between us we've generated 21 pages of
output there... four in fine print from me and 19, with pictures, from
Jim -- but you'll save a few sheets of paper if you use "print preview"
first and print selectively. It still adds up to more than 7,000
words... and here we are preaching that "brevity" is a good thing! :-)
Footnote:
That page features my pet peeve about http://KnoxNews.com headlines,
and older versions didn't mention that the Sentinel is aware of the
problem and that the headlines have improved since my first whining
about them. They really have improved... but the problem still exists.
The simple reason: The home page design restricts the Web producers to one line of two to eight words or so. The newspaper
headline writers, meanwhile, are fond of combining a two or three word
"slammer" or "kicker" headline in large type with a one or two line
headline "summary deck" -- too much for the headline slot.
Unfortunately, without the second deck, the slammers don't have
anything to slam and the kickers miss the ball entirely.
KnoxNews.com Headline Example: "Parties aplenty"
It doesn't answer many of the "5 W's and an H" questions, and even adds another H -- as in "Huh?"
Pause
a moment and imagine the possibile stories "Parties aplenty" might lead
to... The schedule for local Halloween celebrations? Something about
the upcoming election? Rebuttals to a recent story about an extravagant
party?
Nope. The newspaper, and the full story on the website, carried a "summary deck" that filled in the answer:
"Blount Hearing and Speech Foundation marks its 25th year
as Wellness Community celebrates its 'sweet 16'"
Reporter
Barbara Aston-Wash's lead paragraph was clear enough -- and short
enough -- to serve as a summary on one of the KnoxNews inside pages:
"It has been a time of celebration for a very important organization in the area -- the Blount Hearing and Speech Foundation."
My
temporary solution to the problem probably crosses some
chains-of-command at the newspaper, and the extra work could drive the
copy editors to drink. (At my old paper, I would have added "more" to
that sentence.) But here it is:
As
long as KnoxNews.com uses a software-and-page-design combination that
favors the short line of two-part headlines, and if the online
producers can't write fresh headlines, have the newspaper
headline writers restrict themselves to heads that will stand alone on
the Web pages. Unfortunately, headline writing is already hard work,
and that would make it harder.
However, a headline doesn't have
to be short to be bad, and longer doesn't always mean better. Here's
one of the longest headlines from Wednesday's KnoxNews, appearing both
on the home page and at the top of the Business page:
Health insurance bites harder Premium Statistics
Huh?
First, I have no idea why "Premium Statistics" is capitalized; it's not
the name of a company. Were those two words supposed to be on a
separate line? Maybe they were supposed to go at the beginning, like
this : Premium statistics: Health insurance bites harder
At least that avoids having health insurance biting statistics, even if it doesn't tell us that we're the ones being bitten. The
summary deck gets to the point, but it wasn't on the front page. And it
wouldn't work as the page one navigation-headline, without the words
"Insurance" or "Health": Premiums in Tennessee rose 8 times faster than wages over last 6 years
For
the website, a compromise could have been reached, even in a state with
a nine-letter name, and even if the copy desk takes the phrase "verbs
with bite" literally.
Health insurance bills bite Tennessee paychecks
Health insurance premiums soar in Tennessee
Health insurance premiums batter paychecks
Health insurance bills increase 8 times faster than wages
Tenn pay raises can't keep up with health insurance bills
Tenn pay raises don't match health insurance bills
Tennesse paychecks don't pay health insurance bills
Pay raises barely bite bigger health insurance bills
OK,
that last one wasn't serious: Don't try to be too cute. It distracts
readers from the point of the headline. (Before going on to my class notes page, pause a moment and give thanks that the last story wasn't about dental insurance. I'd have been tempted to use " overbite" as a verb.) (Note: This is a re-posting with more detail than yesterday's first draft.)
12:13:37 PM 
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