While they are undeniably fuzzy, cute creatures, cats are in fact bearers of almost certainly dangerous, even lethal contaminants.
These contaminants, too tiny or diffuse to be detectable by human
senses, range in form from oils to orificial gases. In order to help
the cat owner, or those who come into regular contact with cats, to
identify and avoid contamination by these pathogenic substances, I've
created this handy guide to the most dangerous cat-based contaminant zones.
Face Oil Distribution Zone
Many cat owners don't know this, but cats secrete a type of oil from
their faces. This oil is called "face oil" and is extremely noxious.
Whenever you see cats rubbing their faces all over something, you may
be assured that they are coating that object or surface with a thick
layer of oozing, pestilential face oil, which is water-resistant and
would probably smell bad if secreted in enough quantities. Cats, being
mischievous creatures, love to spread their face oil all over anything
they possibly can, including people's hands, beverage glasses, and
anything else that might subsequently contact the human's mouth area.
Anal Cloud Zone
Possibly the most noxious but least understood of the cat-based
contaminants, the feline anal cloud is a kind of haze that surrounds
the anal regions of cats, that follows them as they walk. It is a
well-known fact that one of the greatest pleasures for cats is to show
their anuses to humans, or, if they can manage it, to actually put
their anuses into people's faces. It's a rare cat encounter that
doesn't include some type of exposure to a cat anus.
If you accidentally make contact with a cat anus, rinse the affected
area immediately with hot water and antibacterial soap. If you breathe
in anal cloud gas, quickly run outside and take deep, whooping breaths
for fifteen minutes, then smear Vick's Vap-o-Rub all over your chest
and neck.
Paw Contact Zones
The only thing cats love more than smearing face oil on things or
putting their anuses into your face is walking all over anything. Most
cat owners regard this foul practice with benevolent forbearance, but
they are actually condoning the massive spread of lethal bacteria and
other dangerous substances onto surfaces that can then infect human
beings.
While cat paws look and feel perfectly harmless, they are actually
crawling with germs of all kinds. The primary offender is residue from
cat litter boxes, that makes its way onto the paws when the cat enters
the box, defecates or urinates, and then scratches the litter onto the
excreta. Although the idea of an animal crapping in a box is, on the
surface, an appealing concept, the reality is that the average litter
box is a veritable bazaar of deadly pathogens, and anything that the
cat's paws touch is sure to be covered in short order with waves upon
waves of deadly, disgusting germs.
There is no sure-fire preventive measure to safeguard against paw
contamination, except to prevent your cat from walking on any surface
that is not immediately thereafter sterilized. Cats can also be made to
wear special silicone-based booties that are washed regularly, no less
than once per hour, in an anti-microbial solution.
(reprinted from Trout
Fishing in South Central Wisconsin )
