1. It is always possible to find a
parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are
visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you
take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over.
It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that
affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a
graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip
in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a
child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone
you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are
going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German
officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German.
Simply speaking English with a German accent will do.
Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers
prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while
scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any
building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to
retire from the force will more often than not die on their
last day (especially if their family have planned a party).
(Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they
have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a
dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate
any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take
place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are
perched precariously on the dashboard . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French
loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat:
when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a
pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you
one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until
you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately
feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of
bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another
one.
20. If being chased through a city you can usually take
cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of
the year.
