I am writing you with much concern after having read
of your hearing
to decide whether the alternative theory of
Intelligent Design should
be taught along with the theory of
Evolution. I think we can all agree
that it is important for students
to hear multiple viewpoints so they
can choose for themselves the
theory that makes the most sense to them.
I am concerned,
however, that students will only hear one theory of
Intelligent
Design.
Let us
remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent
Design.
I and many others around the world are of the
strong belief that the universe
was created by a Flying Spaghetti
Monster.
It was He who created all that we see and all
that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific
evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a
coincidence, put in place by Him.
It is for
this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this
alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other
two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree
to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the
Intelligent Design theory
is not based on faith, but instead another
scientific theory, as is claimed,
then you must also allow our theory
to be taught, as it is also based
on science, not on
faith.
Some find that hard to
believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our
beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the
universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have
written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all
details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are
over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive,
as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable
evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the
world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For
example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an
artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has
decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this
artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of
Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does
not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying
Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly
Appendage.
We have numerous texts that describe in
detail how this can be possible
and the reasons why He does this. He
is of course invisible and can pass
through normal matter with ease.
I’m sure you now realize how important it is
that your students
are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely
imperative that they
realize that observable evidence is at the
discretion of a Flying Spaghetti
Monster. Furthermore, it is
disrespectful to teach our beliefs without
wearing His chosen outfit,
which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot
stress the
importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail
why
this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long.
The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
You may be interested to know that
global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes,
and other natural disasters
are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers
of Pirates since the
1800s.
For your interest, I have included a graph of the
approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature
over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically
significant inverse relationship between pirates and global
temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views
and beliefs.
I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching
this theory to
your students. We will of course be able to train the
teachers in this
alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your
response, and hope dearly
that no legal action will need to be taken.
I think we can all look forward
to the time when these three theories
are given equal time in our science
classrooms across the country,
and eventually the world; One
third time for
Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and
one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming
observable evidence.
Sincerely
Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned
citizen.
08/05/05 UPDATE: Responses from two members of the Kansas School Board
Thanks for your comments about the Flying Spaghetti Monster and all the
supporters who have sent their support to members of the Kansas Board
of Education. I am supporting the recommendations of the science
committee and am currently in the minority. I think your theory is
wonderful and possibly some of the majority members will be willing to
support it.
Thanks again,
Dear Mr. Henderson, Thanks for your message. Thanks for the laugh. Your
web site is fascinating. I will add your theory to a long list of
alternative theories I intend to introduce when it is appropriate. I am
practicing how to do this with a straight face which is difficult since
it's such a ridiculous subject; it is also very sad that we are even
having the discussion. I will be one of the four member minority who will be voting against
the flawed science standards currently being proposed by the six member
majority.
Sincerely,
Sue Gamble
And what rough beast, it's hour come round at last
slouches toward Bethlehem to be born? W. B. Yeats
In the song of the musical duo of Sonny & Cher - "The Beat Goes On"
Bobby,
Today I was blessed to receive a divine revelation from our Almighty
Flying Spaghetti Monster. I have the privilege of informing you that it
is His will that I become His Bride, in order that the Savior of
mankind (who is to be called Macaroni) may be born on this earth. The
FSM has revealed to me that your body is to be the vehicle by which his holy seed shall be transmitted in earthly form.
To that end, I have reserved a room for us at the Best Western
Airport Inn, Boise, Idaho, for the evening of [removed]. I will be the
woman wearing the WWFSMD t-shirt and eye patch.
I look forward to meeting you and fulfilling the will of our noodly
master.
I am writing you with much concern after having read
of your hearing
to decide whether the alternative theory of
Intelligent Design should
be taught along with the theory of
Evolution. I think we can all agree
that it is important for students
to hear multiple viewpoints so they
can choose for themselves the
theory that makes the most sense to them.
I am concerned,
however,
