Stupid pet gifts... just in time for Christmas  It's official: pets outnumber people in the United States, about 50 million more pets than people reside in the US and that means just ONE thing: Start shopping for presents for the most important member of your family: the dog. 

'Four out of five pet owners consider their pets to be their children...'  according to the American Animal Hospital Association

Your dog or cat doesn't read, but that doesn't matter, especially if you're getting him or her Is Your Dog Gay?,  Is your Cat Gay?, two new books published by Simon and Schuster, sure to appeal to dog owners with too much time on their hands.  I can't wait for next year's spinoffs: Is your dog a transexual? ...  Dogs who love pants legs...

How about How to Tell if You're Obsessed with Your Dog, a new book by Jenny Lee. If you bought Is Your Dog Gay, you ARE obsessed with your dog and you can save yourself some money (send it to me as a thank you for saving you money). ditto for the cat...

The aquarium toliet tank ... poor fish, but what fun you'll have flushing the toliet and watching the fish swim around the tank (no disappearing Emo's here.) Hours of fun for the cat too! [Dave Barry's 2004 Gift Guide, AZ Star]

Turd-u-cken (dog food) what a name... canned gourmet dog food by Merrick (it may be perfectly good dog food... dogs who read will appreciate the double entendre.. )

For pet lovers who have lost their pet: [Dead] Pet Portrait Rock (You won't get it in time for Christmas: there's a six week waiting list... [Michigan Live]

Push your lazy dog around in a shopping cart: Hammacher Schlemmer's pet stroller [Michigan Live]

Comfort Zone, an all natural alternative to Prozac, promises to soothe your anxious dog

(Hey, I buy it, and I like it... err... I mean, my dogs like it. Well, I think they like it. They can't tell me. But I feel better buying it and using it as a room diffuser. The dogs are splayed out together in the hall, in a doggy stupor of pleasant relaxation...  )

If you can't think of what to get your best friend, it's time to ask him to go sign a Pet Gift Registry, so you'll know what your dog really wants for Christmas Muttz has one, other stores are sure to follow. [Rocky Mountain News]

How about the Pee Station (a fake yellow fire hydrant stake). It's a giant yellow plastic nail that you hammer into the ground. Supposedly your dog will naturally want to pee on it, thus saving your yard. We bought one. Our yard is still pocked with patches dead grass; I guess the dogs keep missing... I bought it at either Petsmart or Petco... We didn't have the heart to return the product, because our dogs may have pee'd on it. It's still in the back yard, doing nothing...  

You can always buy something crappy at the Poop Report. (they need to expand their wares... I don't feel like making my dogs wear t-shirts.)

 [Pets now outnumber people in the United States -- 337.8 versus 290 million, according to the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association. There's gotta be a way to cash in on this... but so far, all I do is spend, spend, spend... ]

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