Saturday, May 3, 2008
Yes, you are quite right. It's been an age and a half since I made any significant comments on this blog. Frankly, I haven't the energy or interest. It's been 6 years since I started, much has happened, much has changed. And now I just can't write any more. It's time to shut this thing down.
I might pick it up again one day, in another location, but I won't renew the Radio Userland subscription when it comes up in 3 weeks.
As stable as my life might look to an outsider, there's chaos inside and I need to just focus on moving ahead with some urgent changes and prepare for my next life. The emotional stresses and strains are taking their toll, and I must drop something before something explodes.
What's up? There's an impending divorce to manage, while keeping the kids' needs in sharp focus. There's the exasperating and reluctant potential love interest (must. . . let. . . go). There's the turmoil of getting Mom moved into a nursing home and then tending to Dad's needs. There's work, where I'm undermotivated and underutilized. There's SIGCHI, where I'll have to make a decision about running for office again fairly soon. There's ACM Interactions magazine, where pulling together relevant and timely bi-monthly reviews is more stressful than it should be.
The doctors say I'm actually doing pretty well health-wise. The report from the cardiologist is rather positive: physically, my heart's healthy. Emotionally, it's fibrillating. Everyone says I have a "big" heart, but even that generous part of me is underutilized. Something's gotta change, something's gotta give. It's time for adjustments.
The last few weeks I've been playing one CD over and over: Moby Songs 1993-1998. And the one that keeps going around in my head has this chorus:
I don't wanna swim the ocean,I think I finally know why: it's about pushing the river vs. going with the flow. I resolve to stop fighting the tide.
I don't wanna fight the tide,
I don't wanna swim forever,
When it's cold I'd like to die.
Look for me on Twitter if you've a mind to: wfreds. More likely to post short bursts than anything thoughtful for a while. To those who have read this blog, thanks, I'm done with it now.
Ciao, and arrividerci.
© Copyright 2002-2008 Fred Sampson.
Last update: 5/3/08; 10:25:27 PM.
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