Brian Yoder's Stump-o-Matic

French to Displace McDonald's: Unnamed sources inside the Bush Whitehouse have revealed that the Administration have already capitulated to the French in return for their agreement to stand aside and not criticize the US invasion of Iraq. In the deal, the United States will dismantle its popular McDonald's chain and open a series of escargot, pate', and quiche outlets. The first step in the dissolution was an announcement last week that the chain will be eliminating its traditional high-fat French fries with more Francophilic "low fat french fries" (http://news.ninemsn.com.au/Health/story_38484.asp) and a French creation called "McVeggie" has been quietly introduced (http://goinside.com/99/1/mcveggie.html).. This week it was announced that 30-year old spokesman Ronald McDonald is being scheduled for termination (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2002412859,00.html).

Meanwhile, the French have quietly opened a series of unremarkable outlets such as L'Escargot (http://www.lescargotrestaurant.com/) and Escargot (http://www.guidelive.com/profile/294837/?p=1), which has disturbingly enough opened in Texas of all places. The french have long wondered why their "unique" combination of dead snails, goose livers, and moldy cheese have not been as popular around the world, and while it seems that they have not discovered the answer, they seem to have found a way to eliminate the competition in hopes of garnering larger audiences for their unique national fare. While I don't share the French confidence that such foods will be commercially viable among Texans, the passing from the scene of "real" McDonald's foods from the scene is worth remarking about.