Tuesday, January 14, 2003

H.L. Mencken, On The Normal Americano He is a violent nationalist and a patriot, but he admires rogues in office and always beats the tax collector if he can. He is intensely and cocksurely moral, but his morality and his self-interest are virtually identical. He is violently jealous of what he conceives to be his rights, but brutally disregardful of the other fellow's. All of which can be boiled down to this: that the United States is essentially a commonwealth of third-rate men. 4:27:24 PM

Boxcar Willie Drive Boxcar Willie made a personal appearance the day Branson, Missouri named a little out-of-the-way street in his honor, and he was very emotional about the whole thing, as a man having a street named after him is likely to be. He was wearing snug overhauls and a beat-up old hobo hat, which is what he always wore. I don't now recall if he favored the dozen or so people assembled for the occasion with a song, but he very well might have. At any rate, my wife and I were there and we took a snapshot of Boxcar Willie holding the green street sign bearing his name. He needed a shave, but then again Boxcar Willie always needed a shave. Afterwards we went downtown to the Jim Stafford Theater for the 10 a.m. show. 4:16:23 PM

The Perils of Home Schooling We are a community theater whose players are comprised of home-schooled Southwest area children between the ages of five and eighteen, devoted to enriching the lives of our children and our neighborhoods through challenging and creative presentations of stories, ideas, and identities --in short, the very best of the theater arts. Our first offering of the 2003 season will be a performance of Harold Pinter's The Homecoming, with 11-year-old Tim Rickard in the role of Max, the aging patriarch of a dysfunctional London family. 4:09:36 PM

Enough Is Enough From this day forward I am firmly resolved that I shall call no man 'Sting.' And be it henceforth known that I also shall acknowledge no man who wishes to be called only 'Bono,' 'Slash,' 'Edge,' 'Prince,' 'Flavor Flav,' 'Kid Rock,' or 'Bowser.' Dignity demands that I no longer use the term 'Biggie' when referring to either a musician or ordering French Fries.   Letter to the Editor: I Know Almost Nothing About Gypsies Dear Sirs, You may well imagine my surprise when I picked up the morning paper and found myself claiming an expertise which I do not rightfully possess. I know next to nothing about 'Gypsies,' certainly no more than what the average person might have learned from movies and the television. And whatever notions I do have are in no way clear in my mind, and it is quite possible that I have been harboring entirely false impressions --the characters in Fiddler On The Roof, for instance: am I mistaken in thinking these were Gypsies? At any rate, given this acknowledged ignorance you can certainly understand that I would never allow myself to be quoted at such length on the subject, making assertions I am absolutely unqualified to make. Your reporter has been most irresponsible, and has caused my wife and myself much embarrassment. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a doctor of any sort, and I am at a loss as to why you would attach that title to my name. Nor have I ever so much as visited Romania or France, despite assertions to the contrary in your article. While I must confess that I found much of the information in the article fascinating --including many of the quotations wrongly attributed to me-- I am unsure whether I have, in fact, learned anything, or more precisely whether the rest of the information in the story is as fraudulent as that for which I am the alleged source. Is it perhaps possible that I have been the victim of some irresponsible and elaborate prank on the part of your reporter, and if so might this not be grounds for serious reprisal? To reiterate: I have never in my life said any of the things I am quoted in the story as having said. I am a machinist, and have been a faithful employee of the same company for almost 30 years. My wife and I have raised three children. We have never traveled anywhere that newspaper folks would likely consider interesting, but hope to some day. You have done your readers a great disservice, and have made me the butt of not entirely friendly ridicule at my workplace. I await your forthcoming correction and apology. Sincerely, Mr. Edward Peterson 4:03:58 PM

© Copyright 2003 Brad Zellar. Last update: 4/6/03; 9:58:04 PM.