Your Conspiracy Theory Of The Day

Over at FARK they posted a story that ran at ABC News' website about a secret report prepared by the Pentagon warning that climate change may lead to global catastrophe costing millions of lives and it being a far greater risk than terrorism. Of course, some idiot going by the handle gfunk420 had to take the ball and run with it in the comments:

A Symposium was held in 1957, which was attended by some of the great scientific minds then living. They reached the conclution that by or shortly after the year 2,000 the planet WOULD self destruct due to increased population and man's exploitation of the environment.

By secret Executive Order of President Eisenhower, the Jason Scholars were ordered to study this scenario and make recommendations from their findings. The Jason Society CONFIRMED the finding of the scientists and made three recommendations called "Alternatives One, Two, and Three." "Alternative One" was to use nuclear devices to blast holes in the Stratosphere from which the heat and pollution could escape into space. Change the human cultures from that of exploitation into cultures of environmental protection. Of the three this was decided to be the least likely to succeed due to the inherent nature of man and the additional damage the Nuclear explosions would themselves create. "Alternative Two" was to build a a vast network of underground cities and tunnels in which a select representation of all cultures and occupations would survive and carry on the human race. The rest of humanity would be left to fend for thenselves on the surface of the planet. "Alternative Three" was to exploit the alien and conventional technology in order for a select few to leave the earth and establish colonies in outer space. I am not able to either confirm or deny the existence of "Batch Consignments" of human slaves, which would be used for the manual labor in the effort as a part of the plan. The Moon, code named "Adam," would be the object of primary interest followed by the planet Mars, code named "Eve." As a delaying action,

All THREE ALTERNATIVES included birth control, sterilization, and the introduction of deadly microbes to control or slow the growth of the Earth's population. AIDS is only ONE result of these plans. There are others. It was decided, since the population must be reduced and controlled, that it would be in the best interest of the human race to rid ourselves of the undesirable elements of our society. The joint U.S. and Soviet leadership dismissed "Alternative One," but ordered work to begin on Alternative Two and Three virtually at the same time.

When taken to task over his wild-ass remarks, our Farker continued:

we do things the american way. lie and fark others in the arse. bush is part of the secret government that doesnt care about the big picture. maybe they did something to the enviornment to cause the global warming to cause poor countries to get more poor without spending a dime, which would inevitablly keep them in power. on the conspiracy pages they claimed that the secret government also staged the 9/11 attacks to instill fear in society similarly to what hitler would do to his society. (bush family = nazis) were all screwed if bush wins in 04

Later on, he goes on to say:

look back into george bush senior's past and tell me that G.W. doesnt have the same goals and objectives. hell, go back to W's grandfather... he and 7 others gave millions upon millions to hitler.

Where the hell does this guy get his "facts?" I'll bet he's down in his basement right now with a tin-foil hat on his head so the secret government can't read his thoughts. (By the way, those of us over hear at the Shadow Government take exception to his statements. We have never, I repeat, never, allowed either Dubya or his father into our little club. Now Dick Cheney...)

If anybody out there can come up with some research to back these wacko assertions, I'd love to hear from you. I know I'll be burning the midnight oil looking into this. You just can't trust anybody can you?

File under Rants and Raves.

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