today I realized that my trainer is not motivating me..what he is doing is pissing me off and making me feel guilty because I can't make it to workout when a client needs me or I need to stay and finish what I'm working on. Its my money that I'm wasting if I don't make it and honestly if I can give him a few hours notice - I don't think he should count it as a no show.
he makes me feel guilty about not eating correctly - all diets are stupid, when you deprive yourself of everything, you start to crave sweets - I don't even particulary like sweets but lately all I want is ice cream and more and more sugar. I used to eat really spicy food - but that's not part of his diet plan, I forgot how much I love onions and garlic and spice!
I asked him to come over to my house and show me how to exercise with the equipment I have, it would get me motivated I think if I had some idea of what I'm doing but he wants to work out at the gym - whatever.
And I switched gyms so he could still be my personal trainer because 24hr fitness personal training policy sucks and now I'm thinking it might have been a bad idea to switch gyms for a few reasons - the gym I now belong to is cool and easy going but its only located in 5 places - so if I travel - I can't go to my gym and its more expensive than an all location membership at 24hr fitness and honestly who am i kidding with my feet, i can't rock climb and I'm scared of heights and its only open til 10pm, the whole point of 24hr is that's it open 24hr which works with my schedule.
I think I'm switching back to 24hr fitness because at least I'll be able to work out when I travel - there is always a 24hr fitness somewhere and if for some odd reason I want to go work out at 2am, I can.
And besides pissing me off - i'm not losing this weight, i seemed to be gaining it in places I didn't want to gain it in, when did my thighs get so big? I realized today everyone in my family is making me feel like I'm huge or something, yea, I'm overweight but I'm not huge and I'm constantly worried about losing this weight - its terrible, I need to just do it because I want to do it, not because of anyone else.
the plan - switch back to 24hr fitness, cancel new membership, take a break from the personal trainer, do 10 reps on the health rider per day and get a big ball to work out on and oh yea, eat the foods I like, no more stupid diets. x
1:54:18 AM 
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