I was chatting with a friend this morning.  She's moved to another country and is working there. There are many many Indians in the new place - and a lot of them are in the same industry.  People she has known a little when in India, but perhaps not interacted with very much. Some others she's known well and for long. Some that she did socialise with when in India - others mere acquaintances.

This brings with it a unique problem.  In cases where you move to a different country and know noone - you tend to be and can be, more open to making new social contracts.  You find people with shared affinities and hang out together.  Acceptance in the group is based on shared interests and values.  In this case, where there are many Indians there already, and in the same industry, the groups tend to be more rigid and closed.  Being in a foreign land throws them all together. They form groups and socialise together.  A newcomer tries to break into the group - acceptance is easy on the one hand - you are Indian, you work in the same or allied industry, and you are in the same foreign place.  Yet its more difficult too as you may find you have little shared interest. 

Initially its great. Then the warts start showing up. Another statement my friend made to me - "out here many people make it a habit of ridiculing 'friends' as a course of passing time - this never happened back home - even colleagues at work pass time by ribbing someone - not just as a matter of fun - but intended as mean jibes.  These are the same people that behaved so differently when in India ... "

In a foreign country, it takes time to find your own group ... people you are comfortable with ... you often end up socialising with people you would not have bothered with back home. Its a forced group of sorts and since this group does not have means of any other natural bonding apart from the physical proximity -there are many hidden stresses in these groups, which people try to pass off as humour. But there is a bite to that humour because its not really fun but a matter of ridiculing someone. The common thread that seems to bind the group - in the absence of shared interests or values or topics of discussion is to pick on someone and keep joking - it helps to pass away a few hours. 

Perhaps, gossip and humour take the form of institutionalised safety valves - outlets that are socially acceptable. Territorial or geographic bonds alone can never be as strong as bonds that are emotional, intuitive and tie together people with a shared set of interests and values.

It also made me think of how groups and communities form online. Not necessarily based on geographical proximity - but more on common interests and shared values.

And when the group gets the opportunity to meet face-to-face, it can be like a family reunion, picking up threads so easily in a warm, comfortable and secure environment. In many ways reinforcing and cementing the intuitive relationship.

What do you think ?