It was nice again today. I was just watching my favourite channel and it will be dark all night again tonight and overcast tomorrow, but Tuesday should be mostly cloudy to start with but then be in a condition of cloudy periods with a 60% chance of some cloud later on with scattered clouds through the evening. Or not. They didn't sound very confident. No. They sounded worried.
Which pisses me off. SO what if none of it is true? Do I tune in the Weather Channel for guesses and sheepish doublespeak? I do not. I demand confidence and bold assertions. I want to feel I KNOW every bump in the weather for the next 72 hours. I want to feel I have been TOLD the truth. These gutless weasels should all be fired if they can't stand up on their hind pins and bark out the news like it had just been emailed in from God that very second. Wimps! Toads! Let them go work for Fox for a couple of years and come back when they can lie with a straight face.
Where was I? Ah, curse these hallucinations. Anyway, I have a great Idea. I was deciding that these hopeless weather people were too wracked with christian guilt to ever be useful. Two decades on the Fox National Affairs desk probably wouldn't help. The only thing open to people unable to lie would be some sort of job announcing nothing but cold hard facts...but what is there today that...and then it hit me. The Obituary Channel. They can use their sour looks and mouldy shuffling demeanour to read death notices on cable TV "And that's it for a look at the national death scene, your local deaths are next, brought to you by Manulife Insurance.". We'll make a fortune.
But wait! Why stop there? Why not the Death Channel? So much more exciting. Features, videos, all different kinds of gory tragic death and...oh, right. That's CNN. Never mind. Stick with the Obituary Channel. I'm not greedy. One fortune will do.
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3:57:02 AM 
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