ALL ABOUT THE OIL
(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)
Jose, a hippie Venzuelan in France seems to think that Americans are a
bunch of war-grabbing oil-mongers... or something. He recently said to
Jeff of BigStick.US:
"The US only went into Iraq because of the oil. They're going
to take all of the oil, and sell it to fund their global imperialism."
Hmmm… let's take a peek at Venezuela's history to see if Jose has any cause to be talkin' trash:
FUN FACTS ABOUT VENEZUELA (with apologies to Frank J.):
Venezuela is a small, mountainous country in South America that people
are constantly leaving because it smells like monkey poop.
Venezuela was originally colonized by bloodthirsty Spaniards. In Spain
at the time, 16th century hippies were forever chanting crap like
"Isabella=Genghis Khan" and "No Blood for Incan gold!" Like their
modern counterparts they, too were mocked by right-wing bloggers, who
at that time used a primitive form of the internet made out of abacuses
tied together with very long strips of rawhide.
The Venezuelan economy primarily produces bananas, coffee, sugarcane,
and ruthless dictators. Other crops include maize, cocoa, tobacco, and
bloody coups.
Venezuela was a founding member of OPEC and was instrumental in the
insane upward spiral of crude oil prices in the 1970's. However, they
were eventually kicked out refusing to adopt the turban as their
"national funny hat".
Like Iraq, Venezuela was the beneficiary of an oil-for-food program. No, seriously. These dickweeds can't even feed themselves.
With that in mind it becomes fairly obvious what's going on here. All
Americans look the same to foreign nationals, and Jose has mistaken
Jeff for George W. Bush. He hopes to provoke Jeff (W.) into such a rage
that he'll invade Venezuela and turn that smelly patch of dirt into a
model democracy, freed at last of dictators, smelly monkeys & food
shortages.
Well, Jose, we'll pass your request along to the proper authorities,
but you'll have to go to the end of the line. Iran & North Korea
were here first.
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
posted by Harvey at 8:09:23 PM permalink HOME
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