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"The frightening power of Harvey's filthy lies makes me tremble like a Frenchman. I frequently wet myself in terror and... Oops... damn." - Glenn Reynolds

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	Friday, March 05, 2004

GLENN'S LOGO (A FILTHY LIE) There are two things Glenn needs to do: get a firewall, and stop making phone calls via the internet. Why? Because it makes it WAY too easy for unscroupulous people like me to listen in. Recently, Evil Glenn got a call from Bob, who runs his ISP... Bob: Hi Glenn, it's Bob, from EvilBloggers.com. Evil Glenn: Just a second, Bob... *WHIRRRRR!* *yip! yip! yip!* *gurgle*... *SLURRRRPP!* Heh. Schnauzer shake. Indeed. What can I do for ya Bob? Bob: I REALLY wish you wouldn't do that when I call. It's a little disturbing. Evil Glenn: Gotta keep my energy up. I've gotta post 3000 more entries by noon, and... ACK! *spitooie!*... Ugh. Toenail. Bob: Yeah, well, I'll get right to the point. Ever since Janet dropped her mudflap at the Superbowl, the FCC has been going nuts. They're going after anything even remotely obscene. Did you know they fined the Oscars $50,000 for showing a picture of Michael Moore? Evil Glenn: Well, I can understand that. Showing a boob is one thing, but images of a gaping asshole IS really over the top. Bob: Agreed. So around here we're really concerned that the Feds are going to get overzealous and attempt internet censorship. I don't know if they can do it, but I'm not waiting around to find out, so I'm making sure we're not hosting anything objectionable on our server. Since your site, and specifically your logo, is at the top of our list of complaints, I figured maybe you could clean it up a bit Evil Glenn: Thousands of people are complaining about my logo? Bob: Well, just one, actually. He says that your logo looks like a very pointy boob with a round nipple on top, and claims that those white things represent part of a Jacksonesque nipple-shield. Evil Glenn: That's INSANE! What kind of sick, twisted pervert would even imagine such a thing? Bob: Well, it was signed Frank J., if that means anything. Evil Glenn: Hmmm. That would explain it. Indeed… But that's only ONE lousy complaint. How can that put me at the top of your naughty blogger list? Bob: Glenn, it's the only complaint we got, so it makes you stick out like a hooker in a convent. I'm not taking the heat for this one. Change the logo. Evil Glenn: All right, all right, don't get your skivvies in a clove hitch. Let me poke around the C drive & see if I can scare something up… hmmm… Ok, Bob, check your e-mail quick & tell me if this one's suitable. Bob: GOOD GOD! How could you POSSIBLY think that a picture of a man having sex with an inflatable penguin would be acceptable? This thing wouldn't even be safe for work if you were Helen Thomas's gynecologist! Evil Glenn: WHAT? [checking attachment] Whoops! Heh. Wrong file. Try this one… Bob: GAH! What. Is. That. THING? Evil Glenn: Portrait of the author. Bob: I think you got the wrong picture again. This looks like some kind of Martian vampire version of Riff-Raff from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Evil Glenn: I think it's about time people saw my true appearance. Bob: Look, just stay coiled up inside the human suit for a little while longer. NOBODY'S ready for this. What else ya got? Evil Glenn: Geez! You are SUCH a cowering little gerbil! Fine! You want inoffensive? You GOT it!… Bob: Nope. Evil Glenn: WHAT? It's a freakin' FLOWER! Bob: Sorry, it's just gonna raise more nipple-shield issues. Try again. Evil Glenn: I give up. I'm just going to select a .jpg at random… there… Bob: Interspecies mating? Evil Glenn: Whoops! Heh. Forgot to exclude the "Personal" folder from the search. One more time… Bob: and… this would be the result of said interspecies mating? Evil Glenn: Well, I kinda felt responsible for his creation, so I adopted him. Isn't he adorable? Bob: In a sick and wrong sort of way, yes. Don't you have ANYTHING that good and decent people will find unobjectionable? Evil Glenn: How the hell should I know what good & decent people want? I'm a lawyer! Bob: Good point. In that case, pick something YOU would find objectionable. Evil Glenn: Hey! That's a GREAT idea! Let me pop open my "icky" folder… EWWW! Here's one of a beautiful woman celebrating her first place finish in a golf tournament. The joy, the sunshine, the sweet smell of an honestly earned victory… I'll have to kill a dozen hobos to get the foul taste out of my mouth… Bob: PERFECT! No one could POSSIBLY find this the least bit suggestive or objectionable. I think we have a winner. Thanks for all your help, Glenn. Evil Glenn: Don't mention it. All I can say is that if he goes with that last one, I might have to blogroll him. INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST! posted by Harvey at 8:28:39 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME

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