As most of you know, I'm getting married tomorrow afternoon. Whether it is my first or second marriage depends on how one interprets the past.

According to my soon-to-be wife, most of my friends, and the government, it is my first marriage. Two and a half years ago, however, I was in what I thought was a serious, committed, permanent relationship, and at the time I often referred to my condition then as "marriage". My theory was that whether one is truly "married" is not a matter to be decided by a government document, but was purely a function of the commitment the two partners have to one another.

As it turns out, that relationship was not permanent, and maybe wasn't as much of the other two as I thought either. Depending on how one chooses to look at it, either I really was married then but the marriage failed, or I was never married at all and I was deluding myself when I thought otherwise. Neither interpretation is particularly flattering to me, but I definitely prefer the second.

My quasi-libertarian notions about not needing the government to make a marriage real may or may not still be true, but I see clearly now what a huge difference it makes to go through the whole business of having a wedding and declaring the commitment before your friends and family. If nothing else, it lets one be a little more certain that one's partner really means it.

This time, I'm happy to say, I'm doing it right.

10:01:06 PM  [permalink]  comment []