21 March 2005

I wrote the previous post (tax in the UK) a couple of weeks back and was torn about just whether or not I should post it. I decided what the hell, as you saw, because it marked an interesting turning point for me in the last couple of weeks. Last week, spring arrived. The biting north wind that threatens to freeze my eyelids shut on the 6am walk to the morning train vanished and was replaced by a clear blue sky, absolutely no wind at all, and an altogether quite mild ambient temperature. What a great start to a Monday morning I thought. As I sat on the train drifting in and out of working on the new book I watched as people boarded. At East Croydon the godless hoardes descended and I came to a quite startling realization. Most people in this country are miserable. As I looked around the train at people I saw scowls and frowns, mouths turned down at the edges. I heard guys complaining about their jobs and their bosses, and women complaining about other women, their husbands and life in general. Not one person was smiling. I guess it has something to do with the general principle in England anyway that if you see someone smiling for no obvious reason they are either a pervert of a psycho, and either way should be avoided. A few years back at TechEd in Barcelona a few friends and I went on a quest. I had noticed the previous year that without exception Spanish people are miserable too, especially the women. You'd walk along the street enjoy the sun and the week off work and see a beautiful tall dark haired woman turn the corner with a face like Hurricane Charley. So, we decided that year that we'd try to get them to smile. Whenever we came face to face with a woman on the street, no matter how attractive, or not, we'd smile a warm, joyous smile and hopefully get one back in return. I remember one incident in particular. It was about 7pm and I was heading out with a colleague to find a restaurant to eat. As we rounded the corner of the busy street the hotel was on there in front were two of the most stunning Spanish ladies I've ever seen. Both were walking briskly towards us, dressed to kill, but frowning the world at large. As they drew closer I fixed my eyes on one of the girls faces until I caught hers. "Here's the moment", I thought, before smiling attempting to do the best Tom Cruise smile I possibly could right at her. The second that followed seemed to slow matrix style as she caught sight of the grinning idiot approaching her. "Yes, she's going to smile back" I thought as her eyes seemed to widen. She turned her head quickly and said something to her friend who looked my way as well. "Oh my god - a double whammy - I rule". As they drew level with us both girls turned towards my colleague and I. The first one spat on the ground, and the second one rattled off something unintelligable that ended in the word "Inglese". How the hell did she know we were English? What was that about? More to the point, what on earth is wrong with smiling at people? Back in England on that first sunny Monday of spring a  couple of weeks back I decided to adopt a twist on the TechEd Challenge. I would go a whole week without complaining about anything. I wouldn't complain when the train was late. I wouldn't moan when things didn't go my way at the office. I'd remain silent and smiling on the evening drive home when morons tailgated me, and jerks pulled out in front of me without warning. I would be a modern Pollyanna. You know what? It worked. I had the best week of work I think I have ever had. People were helpful and courteous, I got tons of work done and more than one person commented on how "happy" I appeared to be. It's a great way to live, because in this world today there's just too much negativity. I mean, when you really think about it we have more curse words in the English language for expressing disdain, disgust and anger than we do for expressing joy, happiness and content. Even the everyday phrases we use on a daily basis are tainted with negativity. "Take care dear" - why? Is someone going to stab me as soon as I step foot out the door? Are there hoardes of rampaging street gangs waiting to jump out at me around every corner? Why should I "take care"? Why not tell me "Have a great and carefree day". How are you today?, "Not bad!". I hate that one. I say it all the time and I hate that I do. Why say "Not Bad!". I'm alive, I have a great family and a great future. I should be saying "I'm fantastic! In fact, I'm beyond fantastic - Holy crap it's AWESOME to be alive today". if I said that though I'd probably be committed - it's just not the done thing is it. Better to say "Not bad!", as if something terrible is bound to happen at some point, but so far, thank god, it hasn't. Think about it next time you answer the question How are you today?. Perhaps we can start a movement to bring about an attitudinal shift in society as a whole - wouldn't that be awesome? You're right, it probably wouldn't - it would probably just be "Not bad!"     1:33:23 PM

I'm not a big fan of the Inland Revenue in the UK, or indeed the government that gave them their current raft of increased "powers". I find it hard to be supportive of a government which sanctions crippling IT contractors to the point that a bunch left the country, and then which sanctioned relaxing immigration controls for IT professionals to make up the resourcing shortfall they created. I find it hard to be supportive of a government which when I returned to the UK 7 years ago changed the rules and then slammed me with a high 5 figure tax bill as a result every year for the next 4 years. You see in the UK, the government is "Labour", a left wing government. Communism is left wing. Socialism is left wing. The basic idea is to "spread the wealth" through a technique that I find tantamount to penalising those who do well to support those that can't be bothered to get off their arses and do anything. Don't want to work? No problem - here have some cash! Oh, got a bunch of kids as well - here yah go, let's triple the amount we'll gift you. What's that, you want a house - here you go, have a 5 bedroom detached house for free that would normally cost everyone else upwards of a quarter of a million pounds. If you're a contractor, it really feels today like the Inland Revenue is Ray Liotta from Goodfellas. "Death in the family? Fuck you - pay me", "Business not too good? Fuck you - pay me", "Working your ass off to try to do better and need some help? Fuck you - pay me". The rant here stems from something called IR35, a fantastic little clause that the government snuck into tax law about 4 years ago, just before I got out of contracting to join Avanade and Edenbrook. It's great. It says that if you run a limited company (which limits your liability in the event the company goes under, and is all round a good thing if you are a professional contractor), and are the only employee in the company, then by going to work for a customer, on-site at that customer's address, you are a disguised employee. What does that mean? Well, "Fuck you -pay me" basically! It means that every single penny the company earns is taxable. You don't have the option to put money aside to invest in equipment. You don't have the option to invest in your training to do a better job. You don't have the option to put money back into the company to grow it to hire more staff and do bigger jobs. More to the point, it's a method for the labour government to stitch you up and get an extra 12.8% out of you in tax. Why? Well, you have a limited company. That company then has to pay you a salary which is pretty much all the cash the company earns because "you are a disguised employee". More to the point, because you are a company paying people (or one person) a salary, you as a company have to pay something called "Employers National Insurance", which is 12.8% of the employees salary. Basically, the government here charges businesses for employing staff. In the case of contractors it charges the contractor for the privilege of having no benefits, no job security, no government enforced holiday leave, no sick pay, and lots of risks. You have to PAY for that privilege. You have to PAY for educating yourself and working hard to the point that you can stand tall outside of the employed masses as a valuable commodity in your own right. It's a little like saying "Wow, BMW's are really nice cars. They look good, drive really well - I can totally see why people would want one, so let's force BMW to charge more for them just because we can". How much do you have to pay in total? In my case it comes to just a smidge under 50% of everything I earn, PLUS whatever I have to pay my accountant to keep the company's books, PLUS my travel expenses (since you can't claim them back even though you are working at a customer's site for a short term contract which is hundreds of miles away from your actual office). I've got the figures wrong here and there I'm sure, and I've got some of the legal facts a little off, but this is how it feels. Do good in the UK and the government comes round wearing rubber gloves with a red hot poker type implement and says "Bend over bitch!". There are ways out of it, but, and this is a cracker, you are guilty until proven innocent in the eyes of UK tax law. You actually have to spend even more money (since time is money, plus the costs of hiring professionals) to prove that you are not a "disguised employee". You have to go out of your way to prove that the government's assumptions about you are totally wrong. They don't have to prove anything - Goodfellas once again, with a government stamped "Fuck you, pay me!" I love my country, I love the history of my country and everything my country stands for. I hate the people in charge of it though, the entire system of penalizing those who work hard to better themselves and rewarding the (admittedly small minority) of people that do absolute squat.     1:32:57 PM