How do you weblog personal failure? Well, I feel uncomfortable blogging tonight. I don't know where to start. I'm on my own again after nine years of marriage. I guess that says enough about my personal life and explains what I meant a while back when I said I was really looking forward to 2002. It sucks to fail at things and it sucks more to have to admit you failed on your weblog. Enough said? Nah. :-)

See, that car accident three months ago was the punctuation mark on the end of a long chapter of my life. I remember writing a little while ago "if I had a month to live, how would I live it differently?" I was talking to myself. Telling myself to fix things that weren't right in my life. And I'm working on that right now.

So, tonight, I am alone again. Sitting on a floor with no furniture and a damn slow modem line. I haven't used a modem for five years. Seriously. Even at hotels I go downstairs where the T1 is instead of sitting in my room like a dork using slow bandwidth.

Anyway, don't feel sorry for me. My personal life is getting better by the hour. 2002 has been much better so far than 2001 has. Thanks so much to the few of you who've helped me through this difficult period in my life. You know who you are and I'm so lucky to have great friends and co-workers and employeers right now. Particularly Maryam, Buzz, Gretchen, Chris, Lee, Leslie, Dave, my Dad, my brothers, and a few others -- I'm sure I'm forgetting someone.

What kept me sane other than my friends and family? Reading all your weblogs. They helped me realize life would go on, even when it got pretty tough.

I've watched nearly no TV in the past three months for some reason. Probably because simply living the past three months has been far more interesting than your average insipid sitcom.

Hey, can you Tivo my life? I bet I could sell that as a TV show. Maybe I should write a book.

Anyway, it's really weird using a modem line again. The only thing that makes that bareable is seeing the modem light going nuts when my new copy of Radio UserLand starts looking for news stories. I love news.

Oh, a particularly important thanks to Dave and John for sticking in there with me. Your loyalty to me will be repaid. Working at UserLand has been a total blessing for me.

Have I given you the whole story? No way. I'm not ready emotionally to give it all to you and some of the best stuff (and worst stuff) in my life I'm not yet able to weblog. I wish I could, but with these situations you can't share openly in public for a whole lot of reasons. Gotta keep some things private, at least for a while. I do know that I'm going through experiences right now that will make great blogs in a month, or maybe a year. Maybe five years. Who knows?

Anyway, if you're going through a rough spell in your life. Take it from me: things do improve eventually. Don't give up. Make a plan and stick to it. Ask yourself: "if I knew I was going to die in a month, what would I do differently?"

Now that my personal life is sorta getting in order, I know what I'd do differently. I'd demo the next version of Radio UserLand to anyone who'll sit still. It's the one product I'm beta testing right now that is going to change the world.

Thanks for listening to my drivel.

Oh, and to bring this back to a weblog perspective: there are divorce forums on usenet that are very helpful and the Nolo Press books are great for helping you figure out the legal issues. Nolo has saved us thousands of dollars and that's no joke.

PS: I've got all sorts of stories about dealing with PacBell and Fry's and other stores as I buy stuff for my new apartment.

PPS: I got a pool and a hot tub 10 feet from my front door. Anyone up for a weblogger party this summer?

Evan: I'm feeling that way too (Evan says he doesn't feel the need to convince anyone of anything). I get great joy out of just answering the phone here at UserLand and giving people a straight demo. I think I've been pushing too hard.

You know, School Center sounds like it really has something cool for schools. I'm on the technology committee at my son's school. I'd love to recommend this to them. But, I can't. Why? Cause they won't put prices on their Web site. That's a personal policy of mine. If you can't put your price up there, you have something to hide.

I'm watching all this Microsoft vs. Apple dueling product releases with a happy heart. I love new toys and both companies are bringing them to us in buckets.

Apple is definitely a company you can love. It's the underdog. It's the small, cute, company that builds cool stuff but can't seem to beat anyone doing what they do. So, I root for them the same way I root for the Chicago Cubs. I know they'll never win the big series.

Anyway, I don't know which one I'd rather have. One of the new iMacs or the new tablet style PCs that Microsoft is showing off?

I think the tablets fit my lifestyle more. I'm a sales guy. I need to show off stuff. That means going on the road. Even at home, when I have people over, I like to sit on the couch and show them stuff on my laptop. Why drag them over to a desktop computer anymore?

My lifestyle is changing. I have a pool by my front door now. I wanna go surf the Web outside. A tablet can go there. An iMac can't.

Purchase decision made. Sorry Apple. You were close to having me sold.

Oh, you have new iBooks? Yeah, let's talk!