Friday, March 22, 2002 - No Simpler than this' Thoughts Archive - like it or not, we're all in this together.

# 15:41 HelloWorld	social barriers to honesty	Asc Mo
more and more the people in my life recognize me for being able to speak honestly and comprehensively from my perceptions without triggering them into reactions. technically & energetically i see that as confirmation of my own healing, enabling me to be present with others and to speak to, or to draw forth the honest lived quandries in their lives -- because i know them from within. sure beats getting killed for speaking honestly and from my humanity. the aborted characters and their hostility to honesty still puzzle me but i'm mostly fine tolerating them now. i keep thinking about how less than total honesty gets you wiped out in the oriental game of go.

# 15:35 HelloWorld	rule-breakers	Asc Mo
for students of the i-ching, the hexagram 44 with line 3 moving is a good pictoral synopsis of how i experience/map these rule-breakers. annoying as they are, at least there's a spot on the map for them. 44.3->6.

# 15:17 HelloWorld	more rule-breakers	Asc Mo
a friend of mine upon realizing that her boy-friend was making up a story about a flat tire turned on his computer to find that the man was having/grooming relations with quite a number of other women. a little research revealed that he was a a motel with another woman. some spectacular upset, and a telephone confrontation with the man in the motel later, she's gotten to clarity about how that relationship was not for her. she's got the same f* conflict about wanting to trust.. and knowing that trusting in this case would only go against herself. while not _that charged about my little upset today, I can really relate to her upset because i've been in the same boat before. what do you _do_ with these people internally? on the outside we can let other's know that they are being lied to.. but having ignored our own little voices.. what chances are there that others could or would hear from the outside what they blind themselves to on the inside. tough stuff. yucky too.

# 15:08 HelloWorld	rule-breakers	Asc Mo
what do you do with a person who has a pattern of changing agreements in their favor without giving notice or communicating their changes.. so-called improvements.. back to you.. but only presents you with an altered outcome, saying that it was their right to change the terms of the deal without negotiation. i'm faced with such a person who just broken my trust in this manner once again. it took over a year to recover from the first time she's done this to me.. and i'm still aching. now, i've again met her with trust .. and a verbal agreement and she's changed the rules again. i'm not accepting the deal of course, but what's one to do? she claims she doesnt know why she does these things and i'm saddled with hours of grief over this. i'm not going to hurt or go against her ... but i will move to fortify my position so that the gravy going her way right now comes back to me. it totally bugs me that i didn't listen to the little voice that said to spell out in writing even the little tiny deal we just did. i'd have trusted a total stranger with doing the right thing here. bummer.