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Saturday, January 25, 2003 |
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Epiphany of the Soul I couldn’t sleep last night. Not sure the exact reason, but I had the image that went through my mind that got me back to writing. It may have been finding the old articles I’d written in high school, I’m not really sure. By the time I finished writing it all out, I realized it was something I had to share. This “vision” started in about June of 2000. Each time it came to my mind I’d get a little more detail about the woman and her world around her, but this was my initial meeting with her. I saw a woman on a hill. Kind of a “Sound of Music” type of hill, but maybe not quite that big. It was covered with lush, green grass. Grass that is like animal fur. It looks so soft, you want to pet it just to feel it’s softness against your skin. This woman stood on this hill in a white, flowing gown. It’s sleeves and long skirt were slaves to the wind, blowing against her body. She had long, black hair that also flew out behind her like a cape in the wind. I couldn’t see her face, only a bit of her profile. She was lit by the full moon, but she didn’t gaze at it or any part of the sky filled with stars as far as the eye could see. She stared straight ahead, stoic and hard. If a person didn’t know better, they could mistake her for a statue or a ghost. But I knew she was a woman, flesh and blood and I had to know who she was. I moved around her and saw a beautiful face staring back at me. Her tears still coursed through already laid paths on her cheeks. She stood on this hill in the wind, crying. Yet she gave no physical sign aside from the tears and slightly reddened eyes. She stood proud and tall. Her chest didn’t heavy from the strain of sobs, her shoulders didn’t shake and she never made a move to dry her cheeks. She held her head high, not allowing it to hang down in her sadness. Her lips didn’t quiver, but hung slightly open as if to breathe more easily. But her eyes… Shiny with tears, they were openly defiant. It was as if she screamed to the wind and gathering storm with those eyes. “I am strong. You cannot break me or even bend me. I am as strong as this hill I stand upon and as strong as the wall I stand before. You cannot bend me. You will never break me.” I needed to find this woman. I wanted to understand her. I needed a fraction of that strength in me. I wanted to become her. She became the heroine of my first historical novel. I stole her strength to survive my divorce and the loneliness that followed. When I testified at my final divorce hearing about the evidence I had proving my ex-husband’s adultery, it was this woman that stood next to me when I had no one else. I had to face him alone, but in the end, she held my shoulders back and whispered I could do it. After that hearing and the crying, I began to write her story. I felt I owed her that much for the strength she gave me in that courtroom. Now, I know all about her, her brothers, her dreams and fears. She is a part of me, and I a part of her. She holds a special place in my heart. Perhaps someday I will share her story here. I think you would enjoy getting to know her. [Sexy Mothers Do Exist]5:24:12 PM  trackback []
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Pre-Everything I recently heard Mike Myers describe the 60’s as “pre-corporate”. That word struck me as sure as if he’d reached through my TV and slapped me. If you think about it, the 60’s and even some of the 70’s were very much “Pre-corporate”. I was born in 1971, so I obviously never experienced the 60’s. I’ve heard it described as a time of innocence. I’ve looked back on my childhood in the 70’s and miss the safety of the time. It was not uncommon for me to walk or ride my bike to school. I grew up in a small town ( Would I go back to that time. No! Absolutely not. There is no way I could live without my TIVO and email. Do I wish some things from that time exist still? Oh yeah. Mostly I miss the attitude of that time. The one where road rage was being grossed out by the dead skunk smell. The one where families ate dinner together – at a table, in their home – more than once a week. There were people who wanted to “Love the World, be a friend and when they were down, they’d get up again” (Thanks, Scooby) not ask for a Zoloft. And I miss the attitude where people were important to the companies they word at. They weren’t fodder that could be sucked out like lipo suction to pad the profits and manager bonus checks. Will the society and culture we are in ever change? I fear not. The selfish, out for el numero uno population far outweighs and outnumbers those of us who dream of a change. I’m the odd-duck, slacker because I want to eat dinner with my five year old and four year old every night. I guess I am just not cut out for the corporate world we live in today. I will have to cut out a little part of the world for my children to give them the values and childhood they deserve and find my way outside of that some place else – like government work. [Sexy Mothers Do Exist]5:23:22 PM trackback []
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Great Expectations I received an email today regarding my blog title. Evidently this person didn’t think my weblog was very sexy (oh no, he wasn’t that nice about it!). I guess he assumed that with a title such as mine, there would be…well…sex perhaps. First, I must make a confession. I titled this weblog for a reason, a little experiment. I’ve only been in the weblog world for a couple weeks and I’ve noticed some titles have little to do with the content. They are more a shock factor. Add to that a continuing discussion on my writing email loops about the importance of a title and I thought I would try something. I tried coming up with a somewhat tame title, but one that would catch people’s eye. With that being said…I wonder what would make this weblog “sexy”. I could write every other word to be sex. But, sex I sex think sex that sex would sex get sex hard sex to sex read. Not to mention write. Back when I was single, I tried out some of the online dating stuff. Why? I DON’T KNOW…but I did. One of them had a question “What is sexy?” The interesting thing is, there was a different answer for every person. Still haven’t answered my question. Personally I find the ability to carry on a conversation sexy. I find having an informed position the person can defend sexy. I find accents INCREDIBLY sexy – it doesn’t matter who (Rupert Giles from Buffy for example), I just find it sexy. I have known men that were drop down gorgeous who could barely string together enough words to constitute a complete sentence. NOT SEXY. Personally I think men are different. I think most men, not all, but most, need some kind of physical attribute, or blatant sexual referencing to find something or someone sexy. Like my “friendly” emailer, the simple exchanging of ideas and questioning from time to time what we may accept as just the way things are today is not found to be sexy. Well, I guess, I have to apologize to those people. I’m here to hopefully engage your mind. Make you think and question and not discuss whether size matters. [Sexy Mothers Do Exist]5:22:41 PM trackback []
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Screen-scraping with WWW::Mechanize. There's a neat article on Perl.com: Screen-scraping with WWW::Mechanize.
I never knew this stuff existed. Check it out! [Keith's Weblog]4:54:26 PM trackback []
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 SF is buzzing into its next transformation. The city I returned to one year ago was swinging bottom, now it seems energy is building again. The number of creative urban developments is astounding, considering the economic situation ... due to the complexity of their implementation, these type of developments must lag behind the economic curve.
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Thoughtful Words: Peter F. Drucker. "Every few hundred years throughout Western history a sharp transformation has occurred. In a matter of decades, society altogehter rearranges itself--its world view, its basic values its social and political structures, its arts, its key institutions. Fifty years later a new world exists. And the people born into that world cannot even imagine the world in which their grandparents lived and into which their own parents were born." Peter F. Drucker We are at such as time. [Neurotechnology and Society]10:58:48 AM trackback []
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Anne Bradstreet: "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." 9:45:13 AM trackback []
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Last update: 12/26/2003; 7:59:23 PM .
