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Saturday, November 20, 2004 |
THE QUOTE:
"Condoleezza Rice brings an impressive resume to her new job. The granddaughter of a cotton farmer, the former provost of Stanford University, she is fluent in four languages, an accomplished classical pianist, and even an expert figure skater. Wow, it seems like the only thing she can't do is make peace with other nations."
- - Jon Stewart
THE HISTORY:
November 20th, 2002 -- National Geographic survey finds 11% of US residents 18-24 cannot find the United States on a map of the world.
November 21st, 1983 -- President Ron Reagan receives the annual White House Thanksgiving turkey. "You're looking at the press a lot like I do sometimes," he says to the bird, "with your mouth wide open & a total misunderstanding of everything they're asking."
THE SITE TIP: Fuck the South
Fuck the South. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave.
AT: http://www.fuckthesouth.com/
RHINO HERE:
The Rhino's been engaged, since the election, in a double back therapy endeavor to process any anger he may have percolating as a result of the ongoing shrub coup, and to lose weight, both at the same time . It's pretty simple & it works like this. I decided to quit ingesting chocolate and caffeine. So being a veteran chocoholic, the idea of eating it, or drinking it, or snorting it, or even bathing in it comes to mind many times a day. So now, I associate chocolate with George Dubya Bush. When the thought (or fragrance) comes to mind, I think, "DUBYA! FUCK NO!" And the incident ends. Congratulate me. I'm past the 2 week mark. And I didn't have to pay a shrink nor a dietitian to to get me going on this.
This weekend, down near Macon, Georgia, thousands of honest to goodness American Patriots, & true to Jesus' teachings type Christians are confronting the dark heart of the US Government, namely, The School Of The Americas. The Rhino wishes each & every one there my appreciation & prayers.
Thousands to Demand Closure of School Of Assassins
Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon and Indigo Girls' Amy Ray
to Join Convergence and Mass Civil Disobedience Action November 20-21
More than 10,000 people from across the US-including actors Martin Sheen and Susan Sarandon and musician Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls-will gather at the gates of Fort Benning this Saturday and Sunday (11/20 & 21, 2004) to call for the closure of the US Army's School of the Americas (SOA). The gathering will culminate on Sunday with a solemn "funeral" procession to the gates of Fort Benning. Many will negotiate a barbed-wire fence to enter the military base in an act of nonviolent civil disobedience. Since protests against the SOA/WHINSEC began more than a decade ago, over 170 people have served federal prison sentences of up to 18 months...
http://www.commondreams.org/news2004/1117-01.htm
School of the Americas Watch at: http://www.soaw.org/new
-=+
And now, some samplings of the lighter side of what's been circulating on the web:
"And Then They Voted"
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When another person jumped in and explained that the sun rises in the East (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
... And then she voted.
I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an Individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh ... Pacific."
... And then he voted.
So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin. assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
... And then she voted.
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the passenger side door's map pocket.
... And then she voted.
-=+
Thoughts on The State of Our Democracy
Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment.
Zero Gravity
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C. The Russians used a pencil. Enjoy paying your taxes.
Government Emblem
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of weenies and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Our Constitution
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and hell, we're not using it anymore.
7:48:13 AM 
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California Letter of Secession
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it; she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we're getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it Goes) But God is letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)
Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)
We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously, Soon...
Sincerely, California
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6:44:06 AM
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© Copyright 2005 Gary Rhine.
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