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A certified genius and hopeless curmudgeon, the inimitable Dusty Rhodes doesn’t hesitate to speak his mind on whatever interesting tidbits he finds. Always irreverent, usually funny and occasionally enlightening views on news, trends and minutiae.


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  Saturday, May 11, 2002


Security Focus on Cable Modem Uncapping [Slashdot: News for nerds, stuff that matters]

My cable modem throughput averages better than 1.5 Mbits - higher to local servers like the RoadRunner NNTP server – so I just don’t see taking the risk of being TOSsed for uncapping. I’ve seen all sorts of scripts around. Never actually tried any of them. But I am always curious about such things.


Supposedly RR polls modem settings by SMNP, which can be disabled locally. If that’s true, it should be possible to avoid detection, though it seems to me if that you start sucking down 10 Mbits in prime time and RR can’t reach your modem, they might just be able to figure it out.


Rather than discuss this on Usenet, I prefer the relative freedom of the blog. So, what I’d like to know is if anyone, particularly anyone using Austin RR, has uncapped their modem and what, if any, were the results, positive and negative.


You can post comments here or e-mail me.  All identities will be kept confidential, of course, unless you otherwise instruct.





9:43:49 PM    
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Who cares about Anna Kournikova or Britney Spears? That is all.

I'm posting the following link in a targeted campaign to drive massive traffic, primarily from Google, not for EPH readers to follow. And I know it will work. How well? I'll let you know tomorrow.


If you find yourself here as a result of this ploy, welcome. Feel free to look around.

This is an adult site, though not the kind you're thinking of. But I do say "fuck" and "shit" a lot and I savagely trash authority figures all the time, so who knows? You might find something you like.



9:41:33 PM    
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Students, Especially 12th Graders, Do Poorly on History Tests. American students show a poor command of history, according to the results of a history exam given to a sample of students. By Diana Jean Schemo. [New York Times: National]

Well, no fucking shit, Sherlock. Face it; we (Americans) are a country of morons, idiots and selfish pricks. Just how surprising can it be to find out our kids are also morons, idiots and selfish pricks?


And we wonder why much of the rest of the worlds laughs at us? You don’t need to look at these dismal test scores to figure it out. Just look at the half wit in the White House. Here’s a guy who failed at every single business he ever tried, so of course we elected him president.


Oh, wait. We didn’t elect him, did we? Rather, he was selected President by his political allies on the SCoUS. IOW, we’re not even smart enough to listen to our own voters.





8:54:58 PM    
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CIA Tries to Kill Ex-Afghan Warlord. A former Afghan prime minister is believed to have escaped a CIA missile strike in the first known attempt to kill a factional leader suspected of plotting against the U.S.-backed government. [AP World News]

Hey, I’ve got a great idea! Why don’t they try a poisoned cigar?





8:49:34 PM    
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Blogs are beginning to show up everywhere in the news. Following are a few stories on blogging with little or no comment.





5:57:39 AM    
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Blogger Bias and Google Results. Shelley, over at the Bird That Burns, has been wondering about the disproportionate power of weblog links on Google results. While I agree with her that there's been a massive rightwards shift in weblogs since the technology's become accessible, the onus is on the data user to detect bias [More Like This WebLog]

This is an interesting discussion. Personally, I have no doubt that blogs are disproportionately represented in Google searches. The day after I started my blog I got Google hits and I’ve gotten a steadily growing stream ever since. It took 6 fucking months for my last commercial Web project to enjoy any kind of high level linking on Google.





5:55:55 AM    
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Use the blog, Luke. The collective future of blogs lies not in dethroning the New York Times -- but in becoming a force that can make sense of the Web's infinity of links. [Salon.com]
5:53:03 AM    
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Much ado about blogging. Is it the end of journalism as we know it? Or just 6 zillion writers in search of an editor? Neither. [Salon.com]
5:52:48 AM    
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'Star Wars: Episode II': Kicking Up Cosmic Dust. "Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones" is not really much of a movie at all, if by movie you mean a work of visual storytelling about the dramatic actions of a group of interesting characters. By A. O. Scott. [New York Times: NYT HomePage]

“A long time ago in a galaxy far away,” Star Wars was something special. Now it’s right up there with Cap’n Crunch as far as cultural relevance and entertainment potential. If you haven’t seen it yet, look around. The damn thing is already a rash on the Net. If you can’t find it, it’s back to Search Engine 101 for you.





5:50:33 AM    
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Political Correctness gone amok on Tolkien?. Petitiononline.com is hosting a petition from some people that were "affected" by the most recent attack on the World Trade Center. The petition is entitled Rename 'The Two Towers' to Something Less Offensive Petition. [kuro5hin.org]

Of all of the astoundingly stupid things that arrive on my desktop from newsfeeds every day, this has got to be right at the pinnacle of online stupidity. This one goes straight to the “Get A Fucking Life” file.





5:47:27 AM    
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U.S.: Quayle Criticizes Trip to Cuba (washingtonpost.com). 16:50 ET - AP [NewsBlip.com]

Can someone explain to me why *anything* this idiot says is worthy of quoting, except as humor? He’s already admitted he doesn’t know much about Latin America because, as he explained it, he didn’t study Latin in school. At least Bush speaks horrendously bad Spanish.





5:44:16 AM    
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Anthrax attack bug "identical" to army strain. The first detailed DNA sequences are revealed, allowing New Scientist to deduce the likely source [New Scientist]

Our local daily, the Austin American-Statesman, also reported this story, but their headline was “Antrax Differs From Army Strain.” No wonder there are so many poor, dumb bastards around here.





5:41:11 AM    
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Osbournes Sign $3M Two-Book Deal. First, there was the music. Then, the ratings-grabbing television series, which spawned a flurry of magazine covers. Now, Ozzy Osbourne and his family have signed a book deal. By The Associated Press. [New York Times: Books]

Oh, come on. Ozzie wasn’t that fucking interesting when I used to shoot darts with him at the King’s Head in Santa Monica. And that was before he was a senile wreck. What mass mental defect can possibly explain this?





5:39:23 AM    
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After making your car invisible to radar doesn't work, learn some tips from Ernie about avoiding tha. On FARK [News Is Free: Popular Items]

Being a master of Jedi Cop Tricks, I read this with great interest. You won’t find any of the advanced mind control techniques I have successfully employed on many occasions, but you will find a lot of good common sense suggestions and techniques.


One thing with which I totally concur is don’t try to bullshit a cop. They have highly advanced, very sensitive bullshit detectors and the odds are no matter how clever and original you think your excuse is, they’ve heard it a hundred times before.


A better bet is to confuse them with the truth. Just looking them dead in the eye and telling them the truth tends to confuse the shit out of the average cop because they fully expect you to bullshit them. When you don’t, they get kind of lost. It’s particularly effective if you can weave the truth into a long, complicated story, all parts of which are directly related to here and now, but almost impossible to follow without a Visio diagram.


I usually start by asking if they want the long version or the short version. I’ve yet to have one ask for the long version. Until after they hear the short version. Then they all ask for the long version and I know they’re mine. It’s only a matter of time after I start talking before their eyes glaze over and their brain shuts down from information overload.


At this point the vast majority of cops will sputter something cop-like, but generally meaningless, like, “Well, don’t let it happen again,” and, after promising that of course nothing like this will happen again and boy are you ever embarrassed about wasting the busy officer’s time, you’re good to go.


Does it really work? I once ran a red light downtown at 3 AM during SXSW, a massive music business conference here in Austin, and broad-sided a cab. I was wearing my SXSW badge, which is much like wearing a neon sign saying, “I’ve been in bars all night drinking heavily, listening to rock and roll devils music and very likely abusing illegal substances.” With me was a guy who owns a brewery, which came in handy when the cop asked why he smelled like beer.


The car I was driving was a giant, spotless old V-8 Mercury that had belonged to my grandfather who had died several months earlier and had hardly ever been driven. I had to drive it from his house in San Diego to get it to Austin, despite the fact that it hadn’t been registered in 2 years, had no insurance, and in any event, clearly didn’t belong to me. Oh, and I was driving on an IL license that had expired 10 years before.


Even so, I had not trouble passing unscathed through several minor cop incidents on the road, mostly in Arizona, thanks to Jedi Cop tricks. But the accident was an entirely different beast. I was sure my Jedi Cop Tricks wouldn’t be enough to get me out of this one. In fact, I gave my cash to my friend, sure he’d have to come bail me out for DUI and who knows what else.


A dozen cops, EMS, fire trucks, city crews with big lights, it was quite a scene. After talking to me briefly, and hearing my Jedi Cop Tricks, the cops left me at the curb while they filled out reports, took pictures and generally milled around looking important.


After a while the cop in charge came over to me with my long expired out of state license on his clipboard and, to my surprise, put his arm around my shoulders. He explained he was giving me 3 tickets, one for running the red, one for not having a valid TX driver’s license and one for not having proof of insurance, though, by this time, as I told him, I had gotten insurance.


He then explained how I could beat all of the tickets. On the running the red light, he suggested I get a continuance, as the odds of witnesses who really didn’t care one way or the other showing up at the continued trial were slim to none. No witnesses, case dismissed.


On the no valid TX license, he told all I had to do was go get a license, present it to the judge and that charge goes away. For proof of insurance, of course, all I had to do was produce a valid insurance cert that covered the time frame in question. No problem. All three charges were dropped.


Not once, during the entire time on site – at least an hour – did any of the dozen plaus cops so much as ask, “So, have you had anything to drink tonight.” Not only that, but after only a few minutes of Jedi Cop Tricks the head cop decided to take me under his wing.


Yes, Jedi Cop Tricks work. But until you master them, check out Ernie’s tips on avoiding trouble.





5:37:21 AM    
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Jefferson Davis. "Never be haughty to the humble; never be humble to the haughty." [Motivational Quotes of the Day]
5:04:15 AM    
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Douglas Adams. "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't." [Quotes of the Day]
5:02:32 AM    
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Unknown. "Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity." [Quotes of the Day]
5:02:21 AM    
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David Brin. "It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power." [Quotes of the Day]
5:01:33 AM    
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Oscar Wilde. "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." [Quotes of the Day]
5:01:22 AM    
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Charles Baudelaire. "It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree." [Quotes of the Day]
5:01:12 AM    
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Bill Vaughan. "A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election." [Quotes of the Day]
5:01:01 AM    
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A Frothing Paradise of Pumps and Steam. If you're looking for high-end coffee-making equipment, you might just find caffeinated bliss on the Web. By Michelle Slatalla. [New York Times: Technology]

Now here’s something in the NYT I can feel truly snobby about. A $700 espresso machine? Pish. I have a big brass and copper La Riviera professional model. $1500 and the damn thing only turns out 2 demitasses at a time. But that’s part of the beauty of a truly fine coffee machine.


Now, before you flood me with e-mails saying, “$1500? You IDIOT,” it was a wedding gift and a much appreciated one at that. I don’t drink a lot of coffee – usually only one cup per day – but I take my coffee seriously. I don’t roast my own beans anymore, but I do still mix my own custom blends.


But for the record, I can’t imagine how rich I’d have to be to consider spending $1500 on a coffee machine. Then again, I’m looking very seriously at buying a $5500 Viking gas grill. After seeing it, my trusty Ducane just doesn’t give me the same old thrill.


Besides, the Ducane doesn’t have a 53” cooking surface, dual 20,000 BTU side range burners, an infrared rotisserie or half the raw cooking ponies the Viking boasts. And at almost 20, the Ducane is old enough to justify replacing, though it’s still a great grill.


I guess silly really is in the eye of the beholder.





4:59:26 AM    
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An E-Mail Affliction: The Long Goodbye. With e-mail, unlike letters or phone calls, the last word is not always the last word. By Joyce Cohen. [New York Times: Technology]

Here’s a great discussion on the things about e-mail that drive all of us nuts at one time or another. It’s by far the most used Net application, but one of the most easily misunderstood, not because of technology, but due to human factors.





4:48:08 AM    
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US non-lethal weapon reports suppressed. Proposals for bugs that eat roads and buildings are among 77 reports that have now been pulled from public access [New Scientist]

Bummer! This used to be one of my very favorite Net time wasters. I loved reading about the new and weird proposals folks would hatch and try to sell to the DoD or law enforcement. Between bizarre NAS proposals and actual DoD projects, there was no end to the laughter.





4:41:09 AM    
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MSN Messenger Vulnerable to Hackers [ActiveWin]

It’s getting harder and harder to stuff new items into the massive “MS Security Holes” file, but here’s yet another “critical” vulnerability, this time affecting MSN Messenger. Anyway, nice to see them publicizing bugs before others find them, for a change. As usual, upgrade, update, etc.





4:38:07 AM    
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Jackal blood makes 'perfect' sniffer dogs. Canines that are part wild jackal are being used in Russia as airport sniffer dogs. [BBC News: sci/tech]

I found this a particularly interesting story because my dog is part jackal. She’s a Rhodesian Ridgeback, originally bred by the Boer’s in South Africa to hunt lions and uppity natives. They crossed Great Danes, Jackals and Labs and ended with up with a truly superior hound easily identified by a ridge of oppositional hair running down the length of the spine.


She’s a spectacularly intelligent dog, and sure enough, she has an excellent nose. She can smell kine bud in someone’s pocket at an outdoor concert from 50 feet. And at 120 lbs, she has the physical strength and skills to handle any situation. She’d have made a perfect security or sniffer dog.


Thing is, why didn’t anyone clue in the Russian scientists that there were already stable dog/jackal hybrids, so stable they were internationally recognized breeds?





4:33:58 AM    
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F.B.I. Says Pre-Sept. 11 Note Got Little Notice. Robert S. Mueller III acknowledged that his agency paid too little attention to a memorandum about Middle Eastern men at flight schools. By David Johnston. [New York Times: Politics]

Gosh, you mean it turns out the FBI knew all about at least some of the 9/11 hijackers, but just never got around to actually doing anything? How can that be, given their stellar reputation as a top flight crime fighting and intelligence organization? I is shocked, shocked, I tells ya.





4:26:56 AM    
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Democrats Sense Gov. Bush of Florida Could Be Beaten. State Democratic Party leaders are linking vulnerability in Gov. Jeb Bush's re-election bid to a missing girl. By Dana Canedy. [New York Times: Politics]

Good thing this idiot Bush didn’t run on a “No child left behind,” promise, eh?





4:20:49 AM    
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White House Proposes New View of Education Law to Encourage Single-Sex Schools. The Bush administration is planning to reinterpret the nation's education law to encourage the creation of single-sex public schools. By Diana Jean Schemo. [New York Times: Politics]

Is there no stupid idea these guys won’t dust off and trot out? Sure, there have been a few studies showing potential advantages to same sex schools. But nowhere near the volume of data needed to justify a conclusion.


I went to same sex high schools, more or less. But they were private schools. It a RBI (really bad idea) to institutionalize segregation. If you want your children to have a same sex education, send them to a private school. But don’t expect they’ll be any safer from Bad Influences. They won’t


Like I said, the same sex schools I went to were more or less. At Carmel High School, in Mundelein, IL, a rather drab, 60s religious chic campus across the street from the Pope’s North American official residence at the expansive, ornate St. Mary of the Lake Seminary, with its thousands of acres of winding roads, private lakes, golf courses and countless dramatic structures in the height of classic overblown Catholic architecture (which, BTW, Hugh Hefner tried to buy for years for a fantasy Playboy resort), there was a girl’s side, run by nuns, and a boy’s side run by Carmelite priests.


The only co-ed class was Greek, no doubt by design to encourage enrollment in an otherwise less than interesting subject. Boys couldn’t go on the girl’s side and vice versa. But we shared a common lunch area and there were many co-ed social activities. Plus, it was an open campus, so we mixed quite a bit.


At the end of my freshman year, though I had done quite well academically (3.9 GPA) with almost no effort, I was asked not to return. It wasn’t so much that I’d been caught doing Bad Things – though there had been an incident or two – as it was that the priests were convinced I was a ring leader, a trouble maker, a Bad Influence.


In truth, I was just another kid. But I was a crossover kid. I was a wrestling star, started on the football team as a freshman and was the MVP of the baseball team. But I was also a freak. It scared them that I could hang with jocks, freaks, nerds, the black kids, pretty much everyone.


That, my test scores, and the rumor that I had gotten laid on campus several times, which was, sadly, untrue, was enough to convince them that I might subvert their carefully regulated agenda.


These were people who showed us ‘Cool Hand Luke’ for our freshman retreat. I was excited. For all of their grey flannel Catholicism, here they were celebrating the indomitable spirit of man adrift in a seemingly existential existence were perception supercedes reality but not the soul of man. But I guess I missed their intended message. Their point was freedom of mind is a wonderful idea, in the abstract, but you got to know when to toe the line, bubba. “What we got here is a failure to communicate.” No shit.


Anyway, even with my rep as a Bad Influence, my test scores and academic record made me an attractive candidate to a bunch of top prep schools. In fact, it got me into a school I had been turned down by just a year earlier, Campion Jesuit High School for Boys in Prairie du Chien (translation: dog plain), WI, the last of the great Midwest Catholic prep schools.


Campion really was all boys, just over 300 of us, another 100 or so assorted staff and lay teachers staff and maybe 30 priests and brothers. Jesuits are a different breed. To be ordained a Jesuit priest, one must have two PhD’s; one in theology and one in the chosen field of study. With only one PhD, you’re stuck as a lowly brother.


The Jebbies may or may not be the only remaining direct decedents of the Knights Templar, though personally I don’t think so, but there is no doubt that they are the intellectual warriors of the Church and recognized around the world for their academic achievements and intellectual independence, even from Rome..


There’s an old joke that gets to the heart of the matter. “What are the Three Mysteries of the Catholic Church?”

“I give up. What”
”What’s under a nun’s habit what are the Dominicans really thinking and are the Jesuits Catholic.”


As an example of the Jesuit mystique, during my college years, also at a Jesuit school, I landed a job tech directing the annual conference of the International Association of Chiefs of Police, the theme of which was coupon and contest fraud. I kid you not.


I was hired by a company that printed some 70% of the coupon inserts that appear in daily newspapers across the country. They were sponsoring the conference. Part of my job – they tapped me because I was a theatre student with multiple technical skills – was to stage a dramatic “trial” of a coupon fraud con, complete with a celebrity judge, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.


Before we arrived on scene at Pinehurst, NC, I’d already worked up the script and taken dozens of stills to tell the story by slideshow behind the live action. I gave the judge the shot by shot and we ran through it without a glitch. He hated wasting time as much as I did and made sure he got it right first time through. He then declared rehearsal to be over. Took about half the actual running time.


My Hot Shot bosses stammered, “Um, maybe we should run through it again.” Picking up on the judges mood wasn’t hard, so I said, “I’ve got what I need. Judge, you need anything else? Anyone else need anything else?” Silence.


“Great,” the judge said, “let us retire to the lounge for refreshment and reflection.” I immediately like the guy. And he liked me. After being mostly ignored for an hour or so while the judge and I chatted about things arcane and bizarre, the Hot Shot president of the company that had flown me down from Detroit in their corporate jet, handed me the company credit card and said, “I’m going to bed. You take care of the judge. Whatever he wants, he gets.”


The next afternoon the judge wanted to play golf, which worked well for me as there was no way I was going to Pinehurst without clubs. The judge insisted I accompany him, so we played Number 2, the most famous of the six Pinehurst courses, which, BTW, are but a few miles from the Golf Hall of Fame, with an ATF agent and a Secret Service agent rounding out the foursome.


During the front nine - I shot 39, only 3 over par, thanks in great part to a series of impossibly lucky shots out of the thick beds of pine needles that constitutes rough at Pinehurst and some clutch putting - the judge and I had a lot of time to talk while sharing a 6 pack.


At one point he asked me were I attended school. I answered, “The University of Detroit,” I answered.


“That’s a wonderful school but a terrible answer. I happen know U of D is a very good school, but imagine, if you will, you are in Bangkok and someone asks you the same question. Your answer would be meaningless. If, however, you merely answered, ‘I was educated by the Jesuits,’ they would immediately know that you are a man with which to be reckoned.” Turns out the judge had also been educated by the Jesuits.


At the turn we had more beer and sandwiches with the Feds. Playing as well as I was capable of and, more importantly, playing lucky, I was 5 strokes up on the closest Fed. Lunch was great.


Tooling up the tenth fairway, the judge asked me if I smoked pot. I told him that yeah, I smoked pot pretty much every day and had for years. He said, “You seem very much the intelligent sort. You’re well educated, conversant on any number of subjects; you do your job efficiently and well. How harmful can it possibly be?” I told him in my opinion it was less harmful, overall, than alcohol and we discussed it a bit.


We teed off on the eleventh and got back in the cart. The judge had been quiet since before the tenth green. “Tell me,” he suddenly says, “do you have any marijuana?”


“Um, you mean on me? Well, um, yeah, I have a couple of joints in my cigarette pack. Why?”


“I’ve decided I’d like to try it. Let’s smoke some marijuana”


“Now? Your Honor, there are two Feds right over there playing golf with guns on. I’m not sure this is the time or the place. Maybe later we can…”


“My dear boy, there are certain advantages to being a Supreme Court justice, even if it is only Pennsylvania. This is one of them. They will see nothing I don’t tell them to see.”


So we smoked a joint of some pretty decent California pot while we played the eleventh and, as the judge had predicted, the Feds either didn’t notice or chose to not notice. I was still paranoid as hell until we cleared the fifteenth green, when I finally realized the judge had set me up.


Not to be busted, but to provide him the chance to step outside of his normal life for a brief period. He knew damn good and well from the whiskey talk the night before that there was an excellent chance I’d be carrying. What better opportunity for him to see for himself what the fuss was al about than with some obliging college student from Detroit he’d never be connected to in any way?


Besides, I shot a 76 on a world famous championship gold course. Best dam round of golf I ever played. By contrast, I shot a 133 the first time I played Pebble Beach.


Anyway, my point is “Educated by the Jesuits,” often means one smart motherfucker. We’ll get back to that in a bit.


In the meantime, back to Campion and the all boys atmosphere that wasn’t. First off, we had the town girls of Prairie du Chien, a town with one stop light and a pervasive stink of cow dung. We represented the best opportunity a lot of those town girls would every have. They couldn’t eat the beautiful scenery of the bluffs along the Mississippi and the Wisconsin River delta.


We were very popular, at the cost of the occasional beating if you were caught outnumbered by angry townie boys in the company of a town girl. But we had more than the town girls. Also located in Prairie du Chien was the Wyalusing Home for Wayward Girls. I shit you not.


Wyalusing was the Last Stop for affluent suburban girls, Bad Girls who had run afoul of the law or were beyond all parental control. It was ostensibly a private school, but it was run more as a prison. And the girls escaped. Often.


They were Bad Girls, not stupid girls. They knew damn good and well they had a much better chance of finding quick fun with the rich kids at the boarding school, well supplied with drugs and other enticements that only cash brings, than with the local cud chewers.


We had an ever changing gang of Bad Girls who, because they were on the lam, were always in a hurry. They wanted instant gratification in the form of drugs and sex and they wanted it right damn now, before they got caught and thrown into segregation, which really meant isolation, which meant it was unlikely you’d ever see that particular Bad Girl again. IOW, it was a fifteen year old Catholic boarding school kid’s wet dream.


But the point I was making, which, honest, will eventually tie back into the original subject – same sex school, remember? – is that the Jesuits are, if you’ll excuse the venal, goddamn smart. They figured hey, they were really horny. We must be really horny, too. After all, don’t ask, don’t tell worked just fine with buying 12 packs of Old Milwaukee for $1.99 out the back door of the tavern the Jebbies were sitting in, sloshed.


So every so often they’d ship in a girl’s school. A few times a year, Homecoming, etc., they’d import an entire Catholic girl’s school, usually an all female boarding school, for the weekend.


Lines of yellow busses would ring the quad as the 300 of us gathered to watch the girls, always from bigger schools, meaning we had 2 to 1 or better odds, pour off the Swans. Some would group shyly, others would go right up to a boy.


In all of my teenage years, all of which happened in the 70’s when casual sex really was casual, I can’t recall any more vibrant collision of pure, hormone saturated biological imperative than those first few minutes when we saw, we paired and sometimes we even came.


To be sure, most of it was just deep, wet kissing, dry humping, grabbing and giggling and a little heavy petting, but not all. They’d put the girls up in the old senior’s dorm, a remnant from when Campion was a much larger school. The campus was laid out in a huge quad. As is common in Catholic compounds of a certain age, the campus was riddled with secret tunnels.


At one time some of the tunnels carried coal from building. Others were truly secret tunnels that connected various parts of the campus and had been used as part of the Underground Railroad. Some of these tunnels terminated behind fireplaces or built-in bookshelves or in some other gothically cliché way.


The important part is we could use the tunnels to get into the girl’s dorm at will. After that, it was merely a matter of luck and probability. Like sperm seeking an egg, we’d creep from door to door, quietly knocking, every once is a while being let in to much giggling. The trick was to find a safe port before you were turned in.


Let me tell you, the rumors about Catholic girls and blowjobs are mostly true. You know the old joke. You want a Catholic girl to stop sucking dick? Marry her.


Anyway, my point is, though the intention of same sex education was to remove distractions and prevent premature liaisons, the reality is it just doesn’t work that way.


Yes, during my time at public high school – I was asked not to return to Campion, too, this time for getting caught in flagrante delicto in a tent just off campus with a lovely young town girl – there was plenty of sex. But because boys and girls were together all day, every day, there was actually much less of an emphasis on sex. When it’s right in front of you, you don’t tend to obsess as much.


Same sex educational segregation won’t give you a class of more attentive more focused students with superior concentration. Instead, it will give you a classroom full of hormonal volcanoes spending every spare processing cycle on how they can get laid, or at very least, actually have direct contact with someone of the opposite sex to whom one is not related.





4:19:17 AM    
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