Jesus' General Tells GOP We need to capitalize on all of the goodwill generated by the Party's recent Culture of Life activities. What better way to do that than to turn the Washington DC Fourth of July Celebration into a Culture of Life Festival?
We'll need to get moving on this right away, so I've put together an event schedule for your review:
Rep. Tom Delay* will award a Choose Life T-Shirt to the first 100 people who bring him a judge's ear to add to his necklace. Sen. Cornyn will greet each returning contestant with a hug and the words, "The bastard deserved it." Pokey the Box Turtle will ensure that Sen. Cornwyn doesn't lose interest and wander off.
*Rep. DeLay might have a scheduling conflict. He may be feverishly conducting an abstinence education class for the boys of the Aryan Brotherhood in Cellblock B. If that's the case, we'll get Randall Terry to award the shirts.
My understanding is that Pokey the Box Turtle may not be enough to keep Sen. Cornyn from being distracted if there happen to be African Americans in the audience. He's liable to go all George Wallace on them. Perhaps we could make sure none of them are in the rows visible to him.
How can satire stay more outragous than the daily news from the VRWC....(???)
