In the past 9 months, I've met quite a few people. Richie, Derek, Kenny, Jason, Chris. They each made a huge impact on me, but the one I was most attached to, by far, was Derek.

Derek was exactly what I wanted. He was perfect in every rite I could think of. He was smart. He had great taste in music (and completely changed what I was listening to; he exposed me to SDRE, and that forever changed me). He was vegetarian. His demeanor was easy and laid back. He had the best hair I've ever seen on a man. He had a cat named Kitty. He spoke Japanese. He'd lived in Japan for a year. I was so attracted and attached to Derek, eventhough I knew he wouldn't be around for long. When he left in mid-January, I was completely crushed, though I had long known about his departure date. I'd never cried so hard about someone (other than my grandparents dying) leaving me before. I couldn't handle him leaving at all. I couldn't understand why it didn't work out. I comprehended that we wanted different things, but my mind didn't want to accept that fact. I was so smitten with Derek that I would have done anything to make something work out for us.

Now that I've completely laid that out, I still won't be able to get to sleep. Glancing to my right and seeing an empty, tussled bed makes me hurt even more.
10:41:07 PM  #  Speak to Me []

http://www.perpetuum.cz

If anyone knows anything about these guys, please let me know. That flash game is so freaking cool, I want to know who did it, but I can't find jack squat. Doesn't help that everything is in Czech. What I have found out is Amantia Designs, the people who made that game, are affiliated with perpetuum.cz, which is a techno club in Czechslovakia. WTF?!
10:02:38 PM  #  Speak to Me []

Getting back to the book now. The ending was something I really didn't see coming. The novel was centered around such a jaded subject, I never saw this typical ending. It just about ruined the entire book. In fact, it did ruin the book. Nat should have never gotten the boy. She should have been left in her anorexic misery. I think I'm just upset because I've never gotten the boy. I've never been happy with an outcome.

He lifts my right hand and gently waggles each finger in turn. 'This,' he says, 'is a special hand. It belongs to someone precious. But she was sloppy. She didn't read the manufactuer's instructions properly. She ditched the batteries. And it took her a while to see that she wasn't working and that she'd better take more care. And though it was a big yawn, paying attention to the small print, that's what she did. And' --his voice dips to a whisper-- 'now she's working beautifully.'"

If that's not fucking romantic as all bloody hell, I don't know what is. It drips and oozes with romance, but, it makes me want it. It makes me want that so badly. I just want something; anything. If an anorexic Brit with subserviant tendancies can get the boy she wants the most out of anything, why the fuck can't I even get a date? One bloody date! I don't ask much. I really don't.

Today was a day to share with someone. Instead, I shared it with Anna Maxted and Lexapro.
8:39:03 PM  #  Speak to Me []