It's time for a non-drinking update, mainly on account of I can't think of anything else to write about.
This week, being the fourth, has been different in that the habit of not drinking is mostly established; I haven't spent the whole of each evening wondering why I don't just open a bottle. I forget about it now for hours at a time. That's some relief, as I was beginning to wonder exactly how much willpower was required to go the six-week minimum I've set as a target.
Physically, I'm finally starting to feel some benefit too. Well, I would be if not for this sickness. Yeah, I'm basically cleaner and healthier. I'd guess I look a couple of years younger, although there's a sad corollary to that: in 2 years I'll be right back where I was a month ago.
But the best bit is that I've suddenly started to lose weight. Nearly 2 years' back, I managed to drop quite a bit of weight -- from 78kg to under 70kg -- in a short time. It stayed away for a year, but has slowly crept back in the last few months. I am slightly mystified by the gain, however I remain unconvinced by a friend's assertion that my predilection for Katsu Don has anything to do with it; I can only surmise it's more likely to be due to something in the water. Anyway, even though I'd not grown quite to my old size, I was still larger than I wished to be. Well now, if I tense hard enough, I can actually suck in the old tummy to something approximating flat. My, who is that slim fellow in the mirror? Golly gosh, could it be? Groovy!
Against all that, I have to say I'm still alarmingly placid and woolly of mind, as evidenced by the rather haphazard construction of this prose. Also, the killer headache persists. I'm beginning to understand that I may be in for a long process of relearning how to do things like think, create, relax and actually deal with my demons.
Finally, there's something else that's changed. I want to explore that some. I tried to write it all in one go and, 3 days' later, have gotten nowhere, so here is the first bit -- others to follow.
I suppose many people who drink more than we should, myself included, tend to wear it quietly, but openly, as some kind of badge, tattoo perhaps, that sets us apart from everyone else; a badge that says we don't live entirely in your oh-so safe, square, clean, nicey-nicey little world. We dance with the devil, we abuse our bodies every night, we live on drink instead of food and sleep, we go places the rest of you don't, we can shock the pants off you just by casually mentioning how we live, so don't go thinking we're the same passive conformists that the rest of you are. We're not. We're different. Rules? Hah: they're for everyone else, not us.
Which, essentially, is a complete crock of steaming bullshit.
Or, then again, perhaps not at all when you understand its motivation. If anyone cares, I'll carry on to explain over the next few days.
10:30:14 PM 
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