Sunday, February 16, 2003

Modern Couples Don’t Talk, They E-mail An article in today’s New York Times Business Section called “An Efficient Way Not to See Each Other” offers one view of some modern relationships. Couples / families who are so busy that they relate through the medium of electronics more than they do in person.  The author, Lisa Belkin writes “we have a very modern marriage. In other words, we never seem to see each other. A recent 10-day stretch went something like this: Bruce had a committee meeting on Tuesday night and a work dinner on Wednesday night; on Thursday, we actually ate at the same table; then he was on call on Friday and Saturday, and I left for a three-day overseas work trip on Sunday. Hours after I returned, he was off overnight for a business trip of his own. On Friday, we reintroduced ourselves.” She adds “but just because we weren't together doesn't mean we weren't in touch” and she proceeds to describe relationships that are supplemented by email and text messaging.  I am wondering if many of these relationships are dominated rather than supplemented by electronics.  I also wonder about the impact of this style of relationship on the concept of intimacy.  I know couples who do many thing separately and some who even take separate vacations. They are also quick to point out that this intentional distancing helps keep the relationship interesting, fresh and that they would not have survived as a couple if they were ‘together too much.’  The NY Times article goes on to describe a couple who email each other even when they are in the same house. I believe that in general we will see more of this - both in a positive light, where people are keeping in touch more and in a negative way, where people are avoiding intimacy. Other aspects that need to be explored are: 1) the impact of these types of relationships on children, family and friendships and,  2) the depth and quality of the interaction. Sometimes writing can express things that people are fearful or unable to say to each other either in person or on the phone. Although 17*31707*1 in a text message spells "I Love You" if you turn it upside down, it may be cute but… 11:16:10 AM    comment []

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