living alone has its disadvantages - when you're sick you still have to get up and feed the cats and do the laundry and get the mail and take the trash out, do the dishes when all you want to do is sleep. And then when you try to sleep, you're not sleepy..ugh. I have the flu, i'm hot then cold then hot again and while I've tried not to work that much, I'm still working, if I don't work there is no money coming in..simple as that. And tommorrow, I'm interviewing handymen because honestly I just don't have the time to do the things I want to do and I really don't know how to install a pocket door, although I could probably figure out to fix the fence and the gate, I just don't have the time anymore.
And why can't I dream? I'm start to dream and then its interrupted, I would like one night of just dreams, good dreams, not weird dreams, this afternoon I started to dream of something good and sexy and then it turned into a gunfight with lots of bombing and people bleeding - god, what is that? Why the hell am I dreaming of that stuff?
And I'm smoking way way way too much, I know something's gotta change. Maybe its time. I know I need to uninstall that damn video game. I'm not focused on anything else but playing it which is stupid.
I feel like crap. I don't know what is going on with me. I need to get my head back in the game, stop worrying about all the little stuff and I need to dream again. I really would like to dream again. Focus on one thing at a time..maybe that's how I get focused again.
2:25:34 AM
|
|