Friday, May 16, 2003

Push myself to complete work? This is another Dialogue with Cathy on Her Path. My creativity coach has been gently nudging me to consider whether or not it's still important to me to complete a series of bowls this year. Clarifying my deepest intention makes it clear that just enjoying a creative process isn't enough for me. I also want to put artwork into the world that will embody and radiate aliveness long after I'm gone. So clearly I need to complete work. The question is: if I just keep doing whatever I most want to do, will I naturally complete my artwork? Or do I need to push myself to complete it? I decided to ask the Self who's really on my true path: Cathy on Her Path. 1:55:14 PM    comment []

Avoiding freedom I notice with some amusement that as I feel and act more and more free, I start to yearn for rules. A good clue to this is a sudden interest in doing the Body for Life program again. There's nothing wrong with this program really. It works. I felt enormous energy toward the end of my first 12-week challenge. It's just that it is quite obsessive. I used to spend time every evening filling out forms for the following day: exactly what I would eat when, exactly how I'd do my cardio or weight-lifting and when. I'd agonize if I was half an hour late for a prescribed meal. I followed all the rules exactly. It makes for a wonderful distraction. And of course it's easier in many ways than paying attention, being aware. When I consult any reliable source of guidance such as a Visit to my Dream Studio (consulting my 80-year-old self) I'm told that all I need to do is walk, lift weights, stretch, and eat what I truly want to eat, with attention - and of course, to make my art. It's odd that this seems more difficult than following a very prescribed program exactly. Then again, of course it's not odd. Freedom is perhaps our greatest challenge in life - to learn to be free. And it's the little girl in me who wants these rules. She wants so desperately to be a Good Girl. Then everyone will be happy - Mommy, Daddy, Grandmother, Grandfather, teacher, and the Good Girl herself. Mmm-hmm. It never actually quite works out that way though, does it?   11:34:22 AM    comment []

Simple three-fold intention. Here's a simpler version of my intention: I choose to free my Artist self.  I choose to make art in a process of full aliveness. I choose to make art that embodies energies of aliveness. Here's an even simpler version than that: Free the Artist in myself. Make art in a process that enlivens me. Make art that embodies aliveness. It's evident that the third aspect: "Make art that embodies aliveness," includes the first two, really. I don't think it's possible to make art that embodies aliveness, that makes this aliveness available to the world, without freeing the Artist in myself. Nor can it be done without a process that enlivens me. So maybe all I really need is this: to make art that embodies aliveness. A better way of saying it might be: To make art that embodies and radiates aliveness. Because with the bowls, as sculptures, I want them to change the space around them - or at least, the natural human perception of space. 11:20:57 AM    comment []