MY NEW WORLD ORDER UNLEASHES A CAN O’WUPASS
Ok, you assgoblin anti-war protesters, I’m gonna give you what you always wanted - I’m going to stifle your dissent,
just like the tin-foil-hat-wearing panic-mongers have been claiming
would always happen under the EEEEEVIL John Ashcroft. The
soon-to-be-passed American Sharia laws will unleash cruel and unusual punishments for your unpatriotic displays:
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, PARTICIPATION IN ANY ANTI-WAR PROTEST ACTIVITY
WILL RESULT IN PUNISHMENT ACCORDING TO THE FOLLOWING SCHEDULE:
First offense: a dirty look
Second offense: a 5 minute “time out”
Third offense: a stern talking-to
Fourth offense: no dessert
Fifth offense: a 10 o’clock curfew
Sixth offense: sent to your room
Seventh offense: loss of cell phone privileges for 2 days
Eighth offense: When I was your age, I respected my elders!
Ninth offense: Are you listening to me?
Tenth offense: Fine! F*** you! You had your chance! – First, we’re
gonna handcuff you to this chair and make you listen to Rush Limbaugh
for 96 hours straight, then we’re gonna make you bathe WITHOUT using
patchouli oil, then you'll get a haircut, a real job, and you WILL
start paying rent, young man!
Eleventh offense: Death by Bulunga!
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
posted by Harvey at 12:20:19 AM permalink HOME
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