Sunday, February 22, 2004

OTHER USES FOR TERRORISTS (A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT) Reduce, reuse, recycle, I always say. So once you catch one of these nasty little terrorist buggers, don't let him rot in a jail cell, put him to good use: Combination parachute tester and laser guided missile target. Mobile radioactive waste disposal unit McDonald's quality control tester. Pour a cup of coffee on his crotch to see if it's too hot to serve to customers. Shove a magnet up his ass & use him for a metal detector. Attack dog training dummy. No more wear and tear on delicate and expensive foam pads. High voltage power line tester. *ZORCH!* Yup, that one was live. Fear Factor stunt viability checker. Trying to find sewing needles in a tub full of rattle snakes – Good idea? Bad idea? Only one way to find out… Testicle vise calibrator – and remember, this is for posterity, so please… be honest. How do you feel? Michael Bolton's sound board technician... No... too cruel. How many licks DOES it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? The world will soon know. Oops! That's not Tootsie Roll in the center... Sammy Sosa super-corked batting practice. New proctologists have to start learning somewhere. Nipple piercer to the stars. First up, Michael Moore. Porno movie set mop boy. Damn! Can't find the mop. Well, just squeegee up what you can with your hands and tongue-wipe the rest. Oh, and Mr. Jeremy needs fluffing. SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS! posted by Harvey at 10:14:37 PM  permalink  comment [] trackback []  HOME

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