licentious radio

Tuesday, July 1, 2003
[8:26:21 PM]

El Stupido said *God* told him to invade Afghanistan and Iraq.

I don't know what really went on between them, of course, but God denies it flat: "I did not tell George Bush to invade Afghanistan or Iraq."

This may turn into one of those "he said, He said" things, but Jesus told me I should take God's word for it on this one. Frankly, what Jesus says is usually good enough for me.

Not that I'm one to call Dumbya a lying skunk.... I'd be afraid the skunks might take it personal.

I asked God how Bush could have gotten the idea that God was in favor of bombing and invading the two countries. God suggested Bush was "smoking crack, or something." I'll spare you the rant that followed. Suffice it to say that we're just lucky the storm that hit Louisiana wasn't a hurricane. Good thing Jesus was there, is all I'm going to say. The "don't kill" thing really seems to mean "don't kill". That's all I'm saying. God was quite emphatic. Enough said.

Jesus just got all sad and said, "The children!..." as he turned to go.

Hey George: drop a dime, or call collect. God's open 24x7. But lay off the crack, you murderous runt.

[11:59:04 AM]
Did you catch the news of an American soldier trying to steal $600 from an Iraqi? The soldier's commander made him give it back. Isn't that sweet? This is the way privatized armies work.

Before the war, we heard about US forces getting tips on urban warfare from Israelis. Did you hear we've started bulldozing the homes of suspected resistance fighters? That's how Sharon wins hearts and minds in Palestine.

Now we've got a shock and awe campaign going. Hearts and minds, baby. Go at them with overwhelming force. That always helps. Keep helicopters buzzing overhead night and day. This is what democracy looks like. Every Iraqi is going to be so glad to be occupied.

Speaking of democracy.... Bremer was afraid the wrong people could win some elections, so he canceled them. First, maybe it wasn't too bright to set up elections quite so soon. But it gives everybody a clear picture of the nature of so-called democracy under Bush: democracy is another name for installing puppets. The people will be allowed to vote for the puppets, but not for anyone else.

All in all, Iraq is a first-class screw-up. If there was any hope of winning hearts and minds, they blew the goodwill from removing Saddam the way they blew the goodwill from the September 11 attacks.

So now what can we possibly do?

Leave? This was supposed to be a lesson to evil-doers. It wouldn't look good if we were to run away. Besides, Chevron might not get the oil, and Halliburton would lose billions.

Contract out? How 'bout we get India to send soldiers to die. Americans can all be in "ready rapid reaction strike forces". Whenever some Indians get killed, we'll come in and blast the neighborhood with tanks and helicopters. Now there's a solution.