Like many of you, recent events force me to prepare a more detailed written directive dealing with end-of-life issues. Here's what mine says:
* In the event I lapse into a coma or a persistent vegetative state, I want all measures taken to prolong my hellish semiexistence. Even fifteen years wouldn't be long enough for me.
* I want to be a burden to my family, and hope for a protracted bitter feud that depletes all their emotions and bank accounts.
* I want my wife to keep a daily vigil at my bedside even if it ruins the rest of her life. I'd be really jealous if she waited less than ten years to start dating again or otherwise rebuilding any semblance of a normal life.
* I want my case turned into a media-circus by losers and crackpots from around the country by investing all of their emotions in me that they once reserved for Laci Peterson, Chandra Levy and that little girl who got stuck in a well.
* I want crackpots and pundits to spread vicious lies about my wife.
* I want to be placed in a hospice that has enough space for protesters to gather and disrupt the lives of dozens of dying patients and families whose stories are sadder than my own.
* I want the sanctity-of-life people, who attach themselves to my case, to make death threats against any judges, elected officials or health care professionals who disagree with them.
* I want total strangers - oily politicians, maudlin news anchors, ersatz friars and all other hangers-on - to start calling me "Earl," as if they had known me since childhood.
* I'm not insisting as part of my directive, but it would be nice if Congress passed a "Earl's Law" that applied only to me and ignores the medical needs of tens of millions of other Americans without adequate health coverage.
* In particular, I want House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to use my case as an opportunity to divert the country's attention from the mounting political and legal troubles stemming from his slimy misbehavior.
* And I want Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to make a mockery of his Harvard medical degree by misrepresenting the details of my case in ways that might boost his 2008 presidential campaign.
* Because I think I would retain my sense of humor even in a coma or persistent vegetative state, I'd want President Bush - the same guy who publicly mocked Karla Faye Tucker when signing off on her death warrant as governor of Texas - to claim he was intervening in my case because it is always best "to err on the side of life."
Thought you guys might find this funny. Some young people went down to the Terri Schiavo hospice and messed with the wacky Christian protestors. This is my favorite photo. Chuck's smile is precious.
Great photo - and great example! Love it! What a great tactic. I'd love to see people infiltrate gathering like this to take advantage of the media circus arranged around such events to discreetly get a 'real' message across.
I have HEARD that there are anti demonstrator demonstrators filing in there too, but if they are, we haven't seen anything of them in the TV footages. What's upsetting me about this case (besides the obvious) is that the media is only showing protests and active people from one side. I'm sure there are people actively showing their support for keeping Terri off the feeding tube and letting her "die" in peace (in my mind, she's already gone).
Way to go fellas. Being the raised middle finger feels good!
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." Jimi Hendrix
