I am at a point in my life that I have never been at before. I feel more alone and isolated from anyone than ever. I can't help but wonder what anything I'm doing is leading to. Everything I'm doing is not resulting in something I'm happy with.

I cried the entire way, spurred by a phone conversation I had with Jason during my break. I always end up discussing how I absolutly hate working fulltime and ignoring what's truly important right now, school. He suggested weekend school at some university that offers it. I was a little taken back at first. Then, came the fear. Weekend school for "working adults?" I'm not supposed to be a goddamn working adult. I am a student. I want to be a student again. What he talked about scared me so much. I'm scared my life is turning into something mundane and worthless. Hell, I'm crying about it now. I'm so scared. I feel so alone in my life. I don't have anyone I can talk to and identify with. I don't want to be a loser for the rest of my life and I am more scared than ever about it. I don't know what to do anymore. I had a plan and things aren't working according to plan. On the way home I wanted to slam my car into a pole. I don't want to think about any of this anymore. I hate what's happening in my life. I hate what I have to do just to get by. Funny thing is, I'm not getting by. If I was getting by I wouldn't be so upset about it. I want something normal and positivly consistant in my life, but I'm not going to get that. Ever.

"Pray for Jackie's strength." - Tori Amos
Someone pray for my strength to come through.
7:30:00 PM  #  Speak to Me []