Saturday, December 04, 2004

We're Not Racists, Just Stupid Just when you think stereotypes are starting to die out, folks in Alabama voted to keep parts of their constitution that allows segregation and poll taxes (neither actually enforced, or so they say), not because they're a bunch of backwater racists.  No, that's not it, claim those who voted to keep those parts of the constitution.  Instead, they did it because (and this is hilarious) the amendment to change the constitution included provisions that would have led to Alabama spending more money on education. "Spend money on teachin' ar youngin's?  Are you outta yer daggum mind?  Hell no!" "Even if it means having a state constitution that places blacks beneath whites?" "Is that all?  Hell yes!" Read about it here. Related links: Alabama sure doesn't like to pay its teachers much. Want to vote in Alabama?  Used to have to take this test first. 6:22:08 PM     |

Dear President Bush The following is a modified version of another letter supposedly sent to Dr. Laura Schlessinger.  Still works for Bush.  Feel free to copy and paste it into an email and send it to:   president@whitehouse.gov .  Let me know if you get a response. Dear President Bush, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your leadership, and I share your support of a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to best follow them. a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? b) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. c) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? d) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? e) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? f) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? g) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die? h) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? i) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple. 1:14:22 PM     |

My Students Shouldn't Get Any Ideas 11:35:33 AM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.