Saturday, December 06, 2003

Effortless Living Various messages have come in recently, leading me to consider what it might mean to "give up" and "stop trying." By "messages coming in" I mean physical sensations, thoughts, events, dreams. A theme has developed: gving up. I've felt a tightness in my chest sometimes, with occasional bouts of awful pain from chest to back - heartburn maybe, but intense waves for up to an hour at a time. Once I thought "maybe it's lung cancer" and was startled at the next thought: "What a relief. I could give up." This seemed like a clue to follow up. And I've been thinking a lot about my mother-in-law, technically ex-mother-in-law but still very much Mom to me. She's my last parent still alive. But she's fading fast. All the years I've known her, she was so careful about diet and exercise, did everything right. Yet now she has Alzeimer's and recently had a stroke. How far did "trying hard" and "doing everything right? get her? It's been painful to think about her current situation and state of being. I find it difficult not to judge it as awful, terrible in fact, unjust, bad - yes, just bad bad bad. At any rate, thinking about this has also made me question "trying hard." Maybe "giving up" would be a good idea? Whatever that might mean? So recently I did a Google search on the word "effortless." It turned up an interesting array of choices. There's a lot of interest in a $500 "Chi Machine" for "effortless exercise." I admit that if it cost a little less, I'd probably try it. Even better, though, were reviews of a book called Effortless Living, by Ingrid Bacci. This was exactly what I was looking for. It's about the art of effortlessness. The author talks about the addiction to effortful living. She talks about ways in which our society pressures us to live this way. Most important, she describes how to learn to live effortlessly. I find her words compelling, and the suggested practices things I can do. Just reading her book makes me feel better.  This Effortless Living is what I meant years ago when I thought about "living in a postpatriarchal world." There's no gesture of control. There's no attempt to manipulate or "manage" self or others. Ah...it's a world of deep breaths, appreciation, and feeling. So yes, it's time to give up. I'm giving up a project that was overwhelming me, wearing me down. I'm giving up fears about income or the lack of it. More than anything, though, I'm giving up trying, trying, trying and doing, doing, doing. I'm being. That's enough. That's everything. 10:03:14 PM    comment []

New greatgranddaughter Today my first greatgranddaughter was born - to my daughter's daughter. Can't explain exactly why this is exciting, but it is. I guess there's something about a long line of women. I remember the pleasure of having my mother visit, when this same granddaughter was about four years old. There we were, my mother, myself, my daughter, my granddaughter - four generations of women together. My mother died in 1987, but my daughter's other grandmother is still alive, so we have five generations alive right now. In fact, the new baby is named after her greatgreatgrandmother. So that adds special meaning too. All that said - I'm sure I'll be just as excited when either of my younger two granddaughters eventually has a baby. New babies are exciting, period. And then there's the delight of rejoicing in the new baby without being the one to get up in the middle of the night for the next few months.... 9:42:41 PM    comment []