Saturday, December 20, 2003

DVD Review: Photographer - 3 stars This film, The Photographer, is well worth seeing, especially if you're interested in a creative life. At the beginning, our hero the photographer has had an amazing rise to stardom in the New York art world. Then - he can't seem to shoot anything but junk. The rest of the film is about - well, about what happens then. I won't spoil it for you by telling what happens then. Even if I did, words couldn't possibly do what the film does. The photography in the film is superb throughout. The only reason I'm giving it 3 stars instead of 4, is that there were times when a scene became a little tedious. My partner didn't like the second half as much as the first. And there's a slightly supernatural air to the film that some will like better than I did. Still - I recommend it highly. It's different, and about as far from "junk food" film as one can get, while still being entertaining. 9:37:24 PM    comment []

Dream Interpretation: A small room in a man and boy's house In last night's dream, I'm living in the enclosed front porch of a house belonging to a man and his son. Maybe there's a wife there too but if so, she doesn't appear. I like the sunlight in this little room, but I feel cramped. Also, I have no privacy because everyone coming in and out of the house passes through my room. I decide to ask for the spare bedroom in the back of the house, even though it's darker with one small window. But even as I ask, I realize that it's reserved for the man's son. So I start to wonder about moving to my own place. A place of my own looks very appealing. Interpretation: Yesterday I was doubting my impulse to reread feminist classics and explore a postpatriarchal way of living. "I've done all that, it's all in the past. Why bother? I've moved on." But the dream seems to tell me I haven't moved on to my own place - just to an uneasy perch on the edge of a patriarchal way of living. The man in the dream is someone I think of as a nice man - helpful, generous, kind - and at the same time, condescending toward all women. He's the Good Man. Now I realize why I had such a conflict headache Thursday. The little girl in me still holds onto her dream of Good Daddy - the great Protector and Provider. Yet I don't really want men to be bound by this traditional role. Can I release them from it in my own heartfelt wish? Forgive my father for his lacks in this? (He wasn't perfect, surprise surprise.) Poet Muriel Rukeyser wrote these famous lines: "What would happen in one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open." Maybe the world would split open, too, if one man told the truth about his life. Maybe the world would split open if women released men from the Good Daddy dream - the Cinderella dream - saying "no need to protect me, provide for me. Not to worry. Go for your full aliveness as I do and as do the children." Isn't this part of trusting the Universe? Not to depend on any one person for support, but rather, to be open to any way at all that the Universe sends love and support? This kind of trust enables us to open like a flower in full bloom. An inner sun shines on us. I remember how a sudden full knowing came upon me, back in 1983, that all the love I'd ever wanted had always been there for me - and always would be. I just hadn't been open to it, hadn't felt it, because I concentrated on wanting it from certain people and not others, and in certain ways and not others. Daddy was one of those certain people, and certain ways of protection and providing were locked in my mind. We didn't have a washer and dryer back then. I was driving to the laundromat ten miles away. It's always struck me as cosmic humor that this life changing experience happened to me while doing such a prosaic chore. Maybe washing clothes is a metaphor like everything else in life. Back to my little room at the front of a man and boy's house. Yes, it's time to move. Time to think for myself again. And time to release all men from my little girl dream of Good Daddy. Goodbye, Good Daddy. 9:55:09 AM    comment []