The Love Boat
Cruising 101: There are two types of people (you thought there were more?) cruise people and non-cruise people. As my MIL says, we're the latter. So after having spent a solid week on a cruise ship, here are some thoughts for non cruisers on how to thrive on a floating pleasure palace.
1. Take the Dramamine.
2. Steer clear of the smoking lounges at high sea. (Burp.)
3. Eat the bran muffins.
4. Avoid the splashing kids and drunk newlyweds in the pool (truly remarkable that youngsters can marry and not gay adults).
5. Evacuate the "tuna tin," as Mitch called it, at every opportunity. But arrange your own shore excursions unless you plan on a second mortgage.
6. Use the stairs, always. Or you'll return looking like the Queen Mary.
7. Repress all thoughts about the Titanic.
8. Commandeer a deck chair in the shade. Veteran cruisers and their leathery hides offer a cautionary example.
9. Call it a ship not a boat. (Whatever.)
10. Marvel at how the cruise line sells luxury cruise wear, but not yarn. Jeesh.
Hope for Audrey: We have climbed Audrey's ladder. Behold:
Daily kudos: Obama! Yeah!