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  Tuesday, September 23, 2003


LIGHT READING

(A FILTHY LIE)

 

When Evil Glenn isn’t teaching classes, he likes to sit quietly in a nearby park, reading. That’s where I found him the other day…

 

Harv: Hi, Evil Glenn! Whatcha readin’?

 

Evil Glenn: GAAAH! Don’t sneak up on me like that. Geez! Don’t you ever knock?

 

Harv: We’re in a public park

 

Evil Glenn: Uh… knock, or otherwise announce your presence? Anyway, as you can see, I’m reading Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War.” It’s a historical classic that will give me the fighting edge against your feeble Alliance. You’ll NEVER be able to challenge my fearsome blogospheric domination! You are powerless against me! Bow down before the Dark Overlord of cyberspace and BEG FOR MERCY! BWAH-HAH-HAH!!

 

Harv: Gee, Glenn, if you’d stop channeling Ming the Merciless for a couple seconds, you might notice that your book is upside down.

 

Evil Glenn: BWAH-HAH… huh? It’s upside… Um… no it’s not! YOU are!

 

Harv: And what’s this BEHIND “The Art of War?” [snatch!]

 

Evil Glenn: Hey! Give that back!

 

Harv: So you’re actually reading Stephen King’s "Different Seasons"?

 

Evil Glenn: So? I’ve already memorized Black’s Law Dictionary. Can’t a guy enjoy a little light fiction now & then? Where is it written that my whole freaking LIFE just absolutely HAS to be about teaching law & blending puppies?

 

Harv: Whatever you say, Mr. Doth-protest-too-much, but what’s with this highlighted passage here in the story “Apt Pupil”? “Todd Bowden drove the hammer into the wino’s skull again and again, not stopping until there was nothing left to smash.”

 

Evil Glenn: Ok, so I find that passage… stimulating. I suppose YOU never highlight YOUR favorite passages? Besides, I like the rest of the book, too.

 

Harv: All the other pages in the book have been torn out and the non-wino-murdering parts of the text have been scribbled over with a black Sharpie.

 

Evil Glenn: … Crap. Ok, fine. I was just doing a little research. I’m getting tired of only slaughtering hobos. I’ve been thinking about expanding my targets to include derelicts, stewbums, winos, drifters, transients and ne’er-do-wells. Variety is the spice of murder, I always say.

 

Harv: You vile, despicable, repulsive, twisted, subhuman monster!

 

Evil Glenn: Lawyer.

 

Harv: You sicken me! I’m leaving!

 

Evil Glenn: Say… before you get out of arm’s reach, tell me something. Are you any relation to Harvey the Hobo? [slowly reaching for hammer]

 

Harv: AAAAAAAAH!

 

I fled for my life, narrowly avoiding the deadly swing of the Plumb 16oz Ripping Claw Hammer (with fiberglass handle and non-slip grip, only $16.95 at Home Depot.). I survived to bring this report to the Alliance. Evil Glenn is researching possible new non-hobo murder victims. We must stop him before he kills again!

 

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

 


posted by Harvey at 5:35:56 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME





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