This is a very delicate subject. I hate even raising it, but something that happened to me last night has got me thinking about it.
I'm now senior enough at Microsoft that I often find myself as the "ranking MS person" at official external events. That makes me the official spokesperson, the one who has to shake all the hands of the important visitors, and the one that everyone feels they need to suck up to. Posed pictures are taken, newspaper articles are written, and official words are spoken. This is actually a feature; one of the benefits of being Microsoft is that we can draw attention to good things that other people are doing and help them in the process. Particularly as a spokesman for Microsoft Research I get to do that a lot with our partners in academia, and I find it incredibly rewarding to have that opportunity. But that means that you have to believe that there is great importance in all the little ceremonies, because those are the things that communicate to everyone else how to gauge the importance. If people show up in suits and ties and say important things in front of podiums, something important must be going on.
And another thing: I have enough disposable income now that I can (and do) make charitable contributions in denominations that get noticed. I have no desire to make a reputation for myself as a philanthropist, and in fact more often than not I'd rather donate anonymously for one practical reason: it keeps down the number of "cold call" solicitations for donations. But once again, there's a problem: charitable organizations like drawing attention to their donors, because it gets them PR for their cause and it encourages others to donate (sometimes just to compete for philanthropy brownie points in certain social circles).
I don't want to be a wealthy socialite. I've met a lot of the wealthy socialites in the Seattle area. Most of them drive me nuts inside of 5 minutes.
If you put this all together, it means that I have to cultivate enough of a public image to be able to help the causes I care about, without becoming obnoxious. And I have to accede to the ceremonies and formal gatherings, without ever getting used to them. As soon as you get used to them, you start making assumptions about the roles that everyone is supposed to play in this little theater, and you soon lose your ability to distinguish between the people and the roles that they are playing. I'm not very good at this. Once I screwed it up horribly and offended a good friend -- but that's a story for another time.
I find the receptions in particular to be very stressful. I never know who I'm supposed to be talking to, and whether I'm supposed to be sucking up to them or they are supposed to be sucking up to me. I am insanely jealous of the people who seem to do this effortlessly. And there always people "on a mission" -- they know exactly who they want to corner, and the topics they want to discuss with them.
So is this an innate skill, or a learned one?
3:44:33 PM  ; ;
|
