Comic relief: things people said... (... find more comical sites at the Black Stump)

Warning Labels
 "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.  (in honor of today's microwave story... )
 "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod
"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

Doctors' Comments On Patient Charts: 
 "Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
 "On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."
 "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."
 "The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed."
 "Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
 "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
 "The patient refused an autopsy."
 "The patient has no past history of suicides."
 "Patient was alert and unresponsive."
 "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."
 "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."
 "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."
 "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

Al Macintyre's resources for the blind includes a National Federation of the Blind of New Hampshire newsletter and some great resources to locate guide dogs:

Guide Dog Resources on the Web
* Eye Dog Foundation: www.eyedogfoundation.org
* Fidelco Guide Dog Foundation: www.fidelco.org
* Freedom Guide Dogs, Inc.: www.freedomguidedogs.org
* Guide Dogs for the Blind, Inc.: www.guidedogs.com
* Guide Dog Foundation for the Blind: www.guidedog.org
* Guide Dogs of America: www.guidedogsofamerica.org
* Guide Dogs of the Desert: www.guidedogsofthedesert.org
* Guiding Eyes for the Blind: www.guiding-eyes.org
* Kansas Specialty Dog Services: www.ksds.org
* Leader Dogs for the Blind: www.leaderdog.org
* Pilot Dogs, Inc.: www.pilotdogs.org
* The Seeing Eye, Inc.: www.seeingeye.org
* Southeastern Guide Dogs: www.guidedogs.org
* Upstate Guide Dog Association: www.ggw.org/ugda [Al Macintyre's Radio Weblog]

Three-legged old cat terrorizes big dogs In a Dutch community, A fifteen-year-old cat has decided to attack all dogs she sees and nobody can stop her because it's not illegal for a cat to attack a dog... Neighbors worry about the aggressive cat, who cannot be leashed or kept inside: 'I had to take him [her dog] to the vet, because his snout was one bloody mess. I didn't know how to react. Because as soon as I tried to chase the cat away, he arched his back and showed me his claws.'  Three-legged old tom cat terrorizing big dogs [Ananova Quirkies]

Man microwaves girlfriend's dog IL How to go to jail fast: microwave your girlfriend's dog. How to end a relationship fast: microwave your girlfriend's dog. How to deserve the worst reputation in the world... you guessed it... Man accused of microwaving girlfriend's dog... (The dog didn't survive the jealous man's assault.) [Ananova.com]

In Kentucky, it's legal to shoot dogs destined for disposal KY 'Henry County Fiscal Court members halted the practice of shooting strays in July, after footage aired on NBC and several Kentucky stations showing some dogs who had been shot alive and howling...' No prosecution is possible for such practices becauses it's legal. It's also much less expensive to shoot strays than to euthanize them: pennies per bullet versus $1.80 per dog.... Attorney decides not to prosecute employee who shot dogs [Henderson Gleaner] (why not change the law...)

November 14, 1666; dogs receive first ever blood transfusion  'The first recorded blood transfusion took place on this date in 1666 in London. Samuel Pepys, diarist and Fellow of the Royal Society, wrote of an experiment conducted by a Dr. Croone in which the blood of one dog was transfused into another dog...' Blast from the past [UPI]

Stray dog's shirt fit for a king Thailand 'The King of Thailand has launched a range of clothing branded under the image of his pet dog, a stray he adopted.' The clothing line is so popular that it has sold out last year and this year's clothing line may sell out again. The king encourages kind treatment of stray dogs...

Lawsuit filed over Hartz Tick Killer; owners dispute cat product's safety PA 'Cat owners across the country are complaining to Hartz pet-care company that a product intended to kill fleas and ticks is hurting their pets instead. Some pet owners all insist within just a few hours of applying Hartz Advanced Care Flea And Tick Drops to their cats, there were side effects that were strange and sometimes deadly...' The Environmental Protection Agency launched an investigation last year when it received an unusual number of complaints and recommended re-evaluation of the tick killer, saying that it caused serious neurological problems in some cats... Animal Care Product may endanger cats [WCAU]

Child dies from dogs' mauling while mom gets drunk with their owner Poland A little girl died from deep bites inflicted by three rottweillers as her mother wiled away the day drinking with the dogs' owner. Police cite negligence, alcohol abuse and vicious animals as the cause of the girl's death.... Child killed by dogs as mom drinks [News24]

Pawprint trips up doggone successful burglar duo Austria A doggone successful burglar team was detected by a forensics team when the doggy left his pawprint at the scene... 'The one-man-and-his-dog crime wave had been in operation all year, notching up dozens of successful burglaries in the town of Dornbirn in western Austria. Karl Schulz made a full confession after police matched the paw print found at the scene of one of the crimes with that of his black Labrador mix, King.Schulz was jailed for three years after he pleaded guilty to the burglaries. His canine accomplice has been taken to a nearby dog home..'  Burglar takes dog as look-out on almost 50 break-ins  [Ananova]