Friday, October 10, 2003

Tonight was one of those Jesus moments, when you have to do something you really don't want to do, that's going to hurt a whole helluva lot, where the seconds seem like days, and you just want some divine entity to come down and make everything okay again. I so wanted one or two simple words, some simple emotion, some magic moment for a return to a normalcy of desire. I waited at the door even, shoes on, not wanting this to feel as if this were my decision, or to have the decision lifted entirely. And so the words frame the relationship, from being in between "You've got mail" and "Chasing Amy" to, this time, being in the middle of a bad movie. But still feeling catapulted into a newer orbit, better for having Elizabeth in my life. Which made it strangely easier, having no profound regret, and more difficult, as I should have expected. But didn't. Even with all the time passed. 1:07:25 AM