The Time Sheet a.k.a. "The Fountain of Law Fibs"
This is courtesy of The Rodent via The 'Lectric Law Library:
Law Fibs are misstatements commonly used around The Firm to hide
some of the awful truths about being a lawyer. The largest breeding
ground for the Law Fib is the time sheet. All lawyers quickly come
to realize they will achieve their billable hour goal and become a
success at The Firm only if they master the use of the time sheet
law fib.
Accordingly, The Rodent proudly supplies the following example of a
well documented time sheet to help its readers meet their billable
hour goal:
WHAT YOU DID | WHAT YOU SAY YOU DID
------------ | --------------------
|
7:30 - 9:00. Arrive at office. | 1.5 hours. Robinson Resources,.
Order coffee and danish. File | General Review of file, T/C with
nails, lint brush clothes. See | New York office. Prepare for
what guys in mail room will be | meeting.
smoking during the day. |
|
9:00 - 9:45. Check horoscope, | 1.1 hours. Brown v. Rodent.
call Rotisserie Baseball to | Review complaint. Phone call
review status of team. Read | with opposing counsel.
Rodent, laugh, send donation. |
|
9:45 - 9:50. Think up esoteric | .5 hours. WEN Enterprises,
research project for which there | Gen. Research re possible Blue
is no answer. | Sky law applicaton to agreement.
|
9:50 - 10:05. Assign esoteric | 1.5 hours. WEN Enterprises,
research project for which there | General Additional research re
is no answer to junior associate.| possible Blue Sky law
| application to agreement.
|
10:10 - 12:00. Wait for junior | 3.9 hours. WEN Enterprises,
associate to report results of | General Additional research re
research. Berate junior | Blue Sky laws. Conclude there
associate for not finding answer.| is no application to
Tell junior associate to skip | employment agreement.
lunch and continue research. |
|
12:00 - 3:00. Lunch and | 3.0 hours. Back, American
rendevous with Pat. | Lawyer Takeover. Meeting.
|
3:00 - 4:00. Call junior | 5.2 hours. Flaum Financial, IPO.
associate and announce research | Draft and review documents,
project no longer necessary and | interoffice confs w partners
therefore no time should be | re same.Draft memo to file.
billed |
|
4:00 - 5:30. Coffee with others | 2.8 hours. 4 different files
Return to office and instruct | (.7 each). Interoffice meetings
junior associate | re status of files.
|
5:30 - 6:30. Return phone calls | 1.2 hours. Turner v. Helfman,.
from clients who leave their | General. Review file and related
offices by 5:30. Call partners | documents.
asking if they have seen hated |
rival who apparently left for |
the day. |
|
6:30 - 11:30. Call spouse and | 4.0 hours. The Firm,
report (with sad voice) that damn| Administration. Conduct
deal still hasn't closed. Drinks| orientation seminar re Firm
and dinner with new eighteen year| procedures.
old staff member. |
8:59:42 PM 
|
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