HALLOWEEN

(A FILTHY LIE)

I was trying to figure out what Evil Glenn might be doing for Halloween, but apparently my comedic muse was at Madfish Willie's knocking back a few cold ones, because I just couldn't think of anything. As I was staring helplessly at a blank computer screen, the phone rang...

Evil Glenn: Hey currency freak, how's it going? *sip* [BELCH!] Excuse me! Poodles give me gas.

Harv: You sick bastard! Why don't you just leave me alone? I'm trying to blog here.

Evil Glenn: Indeed. Well, I just called to mock you and Frank J's feeble Alliance. I heard the League of Multiple Voters is going to kick your ass in the New Blog Showcase voting this week, and I just wanted to be the first to tell you how pathetic you guys are.

Harv: Yeah, well... uh... we've got... uh... a plan to... uh... fix that.

Evil Glenn: Oh? Do tell.

Harv: Well, it's kind of a rough draft at this point, but we were going to have them all dress as hobos & tell them you were having a costume party. I thought maybe you could lend us a hammer... a hand with that?

Evil Glenn: Well, the old Craftsman could use a workout... let me think about that one. Meanwhile, let me taunt you with my Halloween plans. Guess what my costume will be.

Harv: A puppy?

Evil Glenn: No, I might get blended by one of my minions. Too dangerous.

Harv: A hobo?

Evil Glenn: Similar problem, except without the blender.

Harv: Satan?

Evil Glenn: No, too inhumanly evil to appear in public. I'd likely be torn apart by an angry mob of decent God-fearing people.

Harv: A lawyer?

Evil Glenn: Ditto.

Harv: A penguin?

Evil Glenn: No. I'd be too aroused by the sight of myself to get any blogging done. I can't type one-handed.

Harv: A kangaroo?

Evil Glenn: Hey, that's a good idea! Plus, I might be able to get a little hot ewe action on the side as a bonus. But that's not what I was planning.

Harv: Naked Helen Thomas?

Evil Glenn: [YAAAARK!] EWWWW! What a horrid thought!... Hey, did you know poodles tastes just as good on the way up?

Harv: I really didn't need to hear that. How about Mao Tse Tung?

Evil Glenn: No, I don't want to get mistaken for a Democratic presidential  candidate.

Harv: Oh the hell with it! I give up! What's your costume gonna be?

Evil Glenn: No, come on, guess.

Harv: Up yours, Blender Boy. I don't have time for your stupid games. Just tell me.

Evil Glenn: Well, I was going to tell you, but since you're being such a prick, you'll just have to wait until Friday. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Indeed!

[click]

Harv: Filthy scum-sucking bottom feeder.

So, I still don't know what Evil White Glenn's Halloween costume is going to be, but I did receive an e-mail shortly afterwards:

Harv,

Lawyer.

Glenn

And it had this picture attached.

But I'm not sure if it means anything.

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

LESSONS FROM TED

(per the Alliance HQ Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

Sure, Ted Kennedy is a bloated turd swimming around the cesspool that is the Democratic portion of the US Senate, but he's also a great man. "Great" in the sense of being horrendously large and flabby. Specifically, his misshapen gargoyle-like head.

Nevertheless, I have learned something from his life, like the fact that there are exceptions to every rule. Here are some rules Ted proves by having them not apply to him:

Drunken Irishmen make great friends and are patriotic citizens.

Having affairs will make you the Democratic presidential nominee of choice

Being related to the Governor of California, even if only by marriage, gives you a certain aura of coolness.

Breaking the law repeatedly will land you in jail.

The electorate in your state will not forgive negligent homicide.

A US Senator's ass should not be too wide to fit in his seat.

Lying about the President will get you ClueBatted by patriotic bloggers.

No, wait... forget that last one. There's no exception to that.

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!