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"The frightening power of Harvey's filthy lies makes me tremble like a Frenchman. I frequently wet myself in terror and... Oops... damn." - Glenn Reynolds

"Tact is a stranger to you. I like that." - Chris Muir - Day By Day

"The man is a FREAK and a WEIRDO!" - Vigilance Matters

"The nicest thing about having Harvey around is that he makes the raincoat flashers look suave." - Rocket Jones

"...a very, very sick person." - She Who Will Be Obeyed

"pervert of renown extraordinare" - Practical Penumbra

"He's a really nice guy even if he is a little bit weird and creepy sometimes." - Reflections in d minor

"Curmudgeonly Old Coot" - BigStick.US

"Mr. Bad Example" - Straight White Guy

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"infamous den of rum, buggery, the lash, and pirate pickup lines" - ErosBlog

	Thursday, January 01, 2004

EVIL GLENN'S RESOLUTIONS (A FILTHY LIE) In  accordance with the latest Alliance assigment, I endeavored to discover how Evil Glenn would be ringing in the new year. I expected something evil & decadent, like a puppy-blending party, or maybe noise-makers made out of hobo bones. I figured the easiest way to get the answer would be to hack into his computer to see if he'd written anything down. Oddly, there was nothing there but a file called "Resolutions". Apparently he's worked up his own version of the top 10 resolutions list: 1) Spend more time with family & friends - I've been too reclusive lately. Time to mix & be sociable. I must invite them over more often. One by one. Buy new shovel and more lime. Bury them deeper than that time in Vegas. 2) Fit in fitness - I keep getting winded when hobo-whackin'. From now on, 20 minutes a day of sledge-swinging. No excuses. Be like Scratchy. 3) Tame the bulge - Beagles & pugs go straight to my hips. Blend more whippets & greyhounds. 4) Quit smoking - Those cancer sticks are going to be the death of me. Switch to nicorette during that post-penguin-coital glow-time. 5) Enjoy life more - Less blogging, more Robot Dancing. Possibly while naked. 6) Quit drinking - I have a drinking problem. I admit it. Last week's Black Mass was the final straw. I messed up the chant and conjured up Hillary Clinton instead of Satan.. She's STILL pissed that I interrupted her girl's night out. 7) Get out of debt - The iMAO doll was a complete bust. My bank account won't be recovering from that debacle anytime soon. From now on, I'll only sell popular toys. 8) Learn something new - I swear that I WILL learn how to parallel park. 9) Help others - I promise to help more hobos by slaughtering them and releasing their tortured souls. 10) Get organized - My office is a mess. I just need to install some quality shelving. This will also be a big help on #9. I may have had Glenn figured all wrong. I mean, if he's that into self-improvement, maybe he's not such a bad guy after all. INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST! posted by Harvey at 8:36:29 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME

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