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	Tuesday, January 06, 2004

WEASEL PENANCE Sure, France, Germany & Russia are trying to make nice with us by forgiving some Iraqi debt, but they REALLY hurt our feelings with all that "opposing the war" crap. Any member of the Axis of Weasels who wants forgiveness has a few acts of contrition to perform. First, some country-specific items: France: Admit that Jerry Lewis isn't funny. We'd like that in writing, please. Russia: Get a real alphabet. Germany: Learn to drink your beer cold. *************** Second, some stuff that goes for every last anti-war Weaselite out there: Write 1000 times "I will not coddle terrorists." The UN can check it for spelling errors. I figure they can manage that much without screwing up. Never miss a good opportunity to shut the f*** up. At every press conference, wear a T-shirt that says: "I'm a two-faced crap weasel with bony girl arms and I smell like an elephant's butt!" Drop & give me 20 We're revoking citizenship for the entire gang of Hollywood asshats. Please give them a nice home. Running water and toilet facilities are, of course, strictly optional at your discretion. Bake us a nice batch of chocolate chip cookies. From scratch. Dough from a tube doesn't count Flowers would be nice. Oh, and candy. Maybe a pair of diamond earrings, too. Scrub our toilets. Yes, with your tongues. Foot massages, all around. Making English your country's official language would be a good touch. We get to punch you in the arm. Ready? Go! Whoops! Two for flinching! [WHACK! WHACK!] Your national hat is now the Stetson. Your new National Anthem is "Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue" There! Now doesn't it feel nice to have a clear conscience? Apology accepted. SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS! posted by Harvey at 7:17:00 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME

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